The Untaming of the Shrew

stubborn adj obstinate, unyielding, adamant, balky, bullheaded, cantankerous, contumacious, cussed, determined, dogged, firm, fixed, hardheaded, headstrong, inexorable, inflexible, insubordinate, intractable, mulish, obdurate, opinionated, ornery, persevering, persistent, pertinacious, perverse, pigheaded, rebellious, recalcitrant, refractory, relentless, rigid, self-willed, set in one’s ways, single-minded, steadfast, stiff-necked, tenacious, tough, unbending, unmanageable, unreasonable, unshakable, untoward, willful


I am a stubborn person.

I’ll be the first to admit that. I don’t give in easily, I stick to my guns when I think I’m right, and it’s very hard to change my mind.

But why is that a bad thing?

My stubbornness is why I am where I am today. It carried me through high school when I could have easily given up. My single-minded goal of escape is what led me out of my small town. My adamant kindergarten statement that I was going to grow up to be a writer is what led me to journalism school. My determination to chase my dreams led me to Boston, then to Gloucester. My pigheaded denial of homesickness is what kept me there. My inability to give up is ultimately what landed me here, in Durham North Carolina.

Journalism taught me that being stubborn is ok. They pushed me to be persistent, to be stead-fast, and stiff-necked and persevering. They encouraged me to embrace my ingrained stubbornness, and to use it to my advantage. In the eyes of professionals, stubbornness is a good thing.

So why, then, do the negative connotations completely outweigh the positive? Why, when I point out that I’m stubborn, do people immediately jump to the conclusion that I am bull-headed, cantankerous, rebellious, unreasonable, mulish, willful, unmanageable and inflexible? Why am I not tenacious, firm or steadfast? Why shrewish? Why not tough?

I’ve come to embrace my stubborn nature as an asset, not a downfall. I come from a family of strong women and strong role-models. We support each other, we encourage each other to never give up, and we butt heads regularly. But we believe in ourselves, and we persist.

And that, my friends, is a good thing.

I Left My Heart in San Francisco...

Yes, I'm back from California. Back from the wild wild west, a state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness (mad thanks to Tupac for the lyrics). I've only been back home for about an hour... I had a red-eye from San Francisco to Chicago to Durham, and airplane sleep isn't very satisfying. I'm exhausted, my eyes are burning, and every single thing in my suitcase smells like wood smoke and feet. But it was an AMAZING trip. I saw dolphins and seals and otters and sea lions, played in crazy tidepools, took about 600 pictures (which I now have to sort through and photoshop to get rid of a spot that shows up in every single picture... I have to figure out how to clean the mirrors in my camera), and was dubbed with the nickname "The Octopus Queen". For now, that's all the little teasers I'm going to give you... I'll update sometime within the next week or 2 with an overview of the trip, and in the meantime I have a few things that I wrote along the way that I may or may not post. But for now, I'm going to go shower, do some laundry, grab a nap, and try and convince myself to go get groceries, because I have literally no food in the house. Just wanted to say hello and let everyone know I'm still alive and kicking... hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey all! I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone back home a HAPPY THANKSGIVING and a wonderful holiday weekend :)

I would love to be at home celebrating with my family and friends, but alas I am leaving on a week-long trip to California bright and early tomorrow morning! Won't be updating for a couple weeks probably, but look forward to some good West Coast stories.

Catch y'all on the flip-side!

Letters to Strangers

Dear Neighbours with the Suped up Civic,

I understand that you like your low-riding car with the lovely racing stripes and oversized spoiler. I know how much your tricked out speaker system makes your friends drool, and how it makes the hunnies go "mmmm..." I know how you and your friends like to sit on the sidewalk and stare moodily at your neighbours as they walk by. But it's really not necessary to jack up the volume and blast bad music for hours while you and your friends chill outside. That's no way to make friends. Maybe you could turn down the bass a bit, so I don't get those eerie Jurassic Park-esque ripples in my water glass? Or at least occasionally play some decent music so your neighbours can appreciate it as well.

Regards,
Neighbour with a Headache

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Dear Drive-by Honkers,

I don't know if you know me or not, but I suspect I don't know you. I don't understand why you feel the need to honk at me as I'm walking to class. Is it to see me jump? If so, you've succeeded. You scare the crap out of me every single time. Maybe you're among the the multitudes of creepy guys in the area who cat-call as I'm walking by, or yell "sexy" out their car windows. If so, I urge you to stop. I'm flattered that you feel that way, but yelling or honking or cat-calling me from a moving vehicle as I'm just starting my morning is both embarrassing and uncalled for. If you think I'm pretty, please make an effort to get to know me rather than making me feel like a piece of meat.

Thank you for your time,
More Than Just A Piece of Ace

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Dear Territorial Fire Ants,

I'm very sorry I stepped on your home and caused some structural damage. It was very rude of me to invade uninvitedly. However, I feel it was unnecessary for you to swarm and bite every inch of my feet and ankles repeatedly. I apologize for any unnecessary stress I may have caused, but couldn't you have just given me a friendly warning nip? I would have immediately retreated. Instead, your bites have given me an unsightly skin condition somewhat resembling leprosy, which stings to touch and is going to make wearing shoes highly uncomfortable. Next time I promise to watch where I'm stepping, and look forward to a friendlier warning.

Sincerely,
A Very Sore "Villain"

The Growing Season

It’s a strange feeling, growing up.

Or maybe “growing up” isn’t even the right term. I don’t feel older, I don’t feel grown, I’m still as down as I used to be. Maybe the right term is “moving on.” Or “moving forward.” Or even just “growing past.”

Better yet, “Growing Despite.”

There are things that have happened in the past that have shaped who I am at this very moment. Things I thought I’d never get over. Thinks I didn’t WANT to get over. Things I should have gotten over sooner. But somehow it always seemed easier to hold onto the pain, and grip tightly to the guilt. Yes, it hurt. It hurt then, it hurt later… I was sure it would hurt forever. There have been lots of these moments in my life. I hate to admit it, but I’m a dweller. I hold on to things far beyond the length of time that is healthy. I don’t hold grudges, but I also don’t forget. I don’t like that I do that. I don’t agree with it.

But I just can’t help it. Just like I can’t help the fact that I’m a sucker for punishment, and seem to get some sick pleasure out of banging my head against brick walls. (Which, according to Jackie, will dent my head and make me less than perfect, which would mean that she couldn’t be my friend anymore… So obviously, something I need to avoid.)

What I HAVE noticed, though, is that even when I think these hangover feelings will surely last until the day I kick the bucket, there comes a day when I just don’t feel them anymore. This day seems to sneak up on me. The feelings abate gradually, a little more each day, until one day I realize that the old hurts just don’t hurt anymore. And haven’t for awhile. This day is always a great one for me, because I know that I’m finally moving on. And growing.

Growing, despite the hurts and the trials. Not getting bigger, not getting older, not maturing…

Just Growing. Despite.

Sleepy, but not Tired... I apologize for the disjointedness

So I don't really know what to write about this time around.... I'm just not quite ready for bed and don't really have anything else to do this late at night. Plus, I feel like the last post was a little too serious for my tastes. Serious is fine, don't get me wrong... but it has its time and place. And now is not such a serious time.

Things this week have been busy. I've been trying to finish off the things I have to get done before I head to California over fall break (which is coming up a week from Saturday... *panic!* **but in a good way**). I had a killer economics assignment to get done (which trust me, nearly killed me), I had an exam in another class on Tuesday, and I had a prof discuss my final research paper with me... I'll be writing about military sonar use in the oceans and how it effects marine life, comparing occurrences, Supreme Court trials and resulting legislation (if any) in both the U.S. AND Canada. Something I'm really interested in, but it means I'm literally doing twice the research for it. And it has to be done by a week from tomorrow if I want him to read my first draft. (GAH!)

Also, I had planned on having a fairly chill weekend, devoted to coastal law readings and research, and possibly even the occasional social event. However today I was informed by my editor at the magazine that there's a Farmhand event Saturday (where a bunch of students get together and spend a day working on a local farm for free) that they need me to take pictures for. And they literally can't get anyone else. So now I have to go to campus early tomorrow morning to finish off my GIS lab, go to a mandatory seminar from 11-1, then cram in everything I was planning on doing Saturday into Friday afternoon, so I can spend Saturday getting down n' dirty with my camera. (I know, I know... that sounds so wrong. But I'm tired. So sue me. My law prof would argue that it would help me learn the legal system better).

BUT, on the bright side, I can finally justify getting all the fun camera-related stuff that I haven't been able to justify until now :) I'm now planning on taking my good camera to California with me (since I'm supposed to be photo-stalking one of my classmates for the magazine... part of an assignment. Don't ask.), so I've decided I'm finally going to invest in the Camera Armor I've wanted for a while, since it's the kind of trip where my camera will probably need a little extra protection against the elements. Also, I'm getting a good camera hiking backpack, because I need something that can hold my camera AND all the crap I need to carry around on daytrips so I'm not juggling 2 bags. I've found a great camera store that seems to have really decent prices, so I'm tres excited :)

On the social front, things are definitely looking up. It always takes me a while to get adjusted to a new place, and this time was no exception. In fact, it seemed to take me a lot longer this time around, which I wasn't expecting at all. But last weekend I managed to squeeze in a shopping date with my roomie, a great Vietnemese dinner followed by a campfire in Duke Forest with a couple of new friends, and a Rosh Hashanah dinner party. And this week I realized that I literally can't walk more than 10 feet on campus without running into somebody I know and having to stop and chat for at least 5 minutes. After a month of having nobody talk to me in the hallways, it's a pretty big change. And it's nice... except for when I have 3 hours to proof the upcoming issue of the magazine and people are stopping by every few minutes to chat or ask questions about classes. THEN it gets a bit annoying. But I love it anyways! I've realized it's definitely a lot harder to make friends in grad school than it was in undergrad. We're all living off-campus, we all have our established friends back home, and many of my classmates are married or are in serious long-distance relationships and are caught up in that. When I first got here, I thought everybody was just really immature and clique-ish. I realized in the last few weeks, however, that this wasn't the case. As it turns out, other people are just as timid as I am when it comes to establishing new relationships. And now that I've recognized that, it's a lot easier to accept their timid advances as exactly that, and not as some pity-conversation. So the moral of the story is, I'm meeting new people. I'm finally getting to know these people outside of classes. And I'm finally feeling more at home here.

And the kicker? The weather is beautiful and my hair has stopped rebelling for the most part.

Yes, everything comes back to the hair :P