Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

It’s nights like these that make me remember why I miss Ottawa.

It’s a place so full of life, so comforting in its familiarity, never dull with all its goings-on. This evening, I stood in the summer heat and watched the sun set over the skyline, punctuated by the winking windows of the parliament buildings, while the strong tempo and crooning lyrics of Metric lead the city from daytime to night. Sitting on a blanket of grass under a ceiling of stars, I let the rasping, soulful, heart-wrenching vocals of Ben Harper break me to pieces and reconfigure me in a million different ways. Breathing in the earthy smell of the damp grass, the sweet and heavy aroma of marijuana and the tangy smell of spilled beer, I felt completely at ease. Ottawa is a place that embraces but does not smother, that allows anonymity without invisibility, that accepts differences and encourages originality. It’s a place where you can be surrounded by hundreds of people, and still manage to find your childhood best friend, that guy your roommate had a crush on in first year, and your best friend’s sister’s ex-fiancé that you accidentally dated once.

Tomorrow I fly off again to the newest version of my own Far Far Away. And every time I leave, it feels like yet another terrible break-up. The bittersweet kind where you smile sadly and promise to stay friends, but you know deep down inside that it can never be the same again. Every plane takeoff, every border crossing brings that now familiar ache of loss and nostalgia, the memories of what was and the dreams of what could have been tugging strangely at my insides.

Sure, there have been other cities. And there will be many more. There will be new affairs, new flings with other city streets, and possibly one day even a new love. But Ottawa was my first. The place where I first made my mark, the place where I learned to spread my wings, the place where I got to know the girl I would become. And, because of that, it will always be the one that all others get measured against, for better or for worse.

So goodnight Ottawa, until we meet again.