Welcome to Hades

"Man, it's so hot out! I'm already sweating..."
"My dad says ladies don't sweat, they 'perspire.'"
"Actually, ladies don't 'perspire', they 'glisten.' And I don't know about you, but I'm glistening like a pig."

It's conversations like these that make me realize I'm not (and will probably never be) a southern girl. Sure I've only been here a week and a half, and I have to give myself some sort of adjustment period... but I'm Canadian! And a winter-born at that. Give me breezy summer days in the high 20s, cool August nights, crisp October sunshine... strap some ice skates to my feet a couple times a year and I'm good to go.

Not that anyone down here has ever used ice skates.

Here the average temperatures hover in the 90s (the 30s for those of you thinking in celsius), with the humidity pushing the "feels like" temperature up to 10 degrees (C) higher. The air is so thick that even breathing is a challenge, and you can actually feel the breaths trickling down your throat and condensing, but never quenching that always-present voracious thirst. You can SEE the air in Durham. The pure density of it shows up as a hazy blur that makes you rub your eyes and reach for the eye drops, sure that it's only you who notices the film. People here walk around in a cloud of perfume and cologne, either applied to mask potential embarrassing odours, or simply diffused by the sheer amount of heat their bodies are absorbing. If a slight breeze picks up, they stop what they're doing and turn to face the wind, sounding an involuntary sigh of contentment, which is generally followed by an audible communal groan when the air stills and settles once more. People keep their distance here, as any sort of human contact results in buckets of sweat and is nearly intolerable. I have yet to see any clingy couples wandering the streets.

The pavement here looks like it's constantly on the move, with waves of radiant heat rising up into the atmosphere. For eyes unaccustomed to seeing in ripples, this becomes hazardous. Tripping is almost unavoidable. I've done it twice.

Wardrobe planning becomes strategic. I spend my mornings digging through my closet, searching for the one shirt that is light enough that I won't melt on my 15 minute walk to campus, not too low-cut because layering (while always an option) just means more clothing to absorb and trap heat. It has to be the right colour and fabric so that it doesn't show any possibly embarrassing "glisten" marks. Plus there's the constant question of "if I wear these bottoms, is anybody going to notice that I forgot to shave?"

But in the end there's only so much I can do. The walk will be long and hot, regardless of what I'm wearing. The hill leading up to campus, which doesn't seem so big when I'm in a car, will seem a million miles longer when I'm struggling to pull in each and every breath. My sunglasses will begin to fog up about 3 minutes away from my building, and I will begin to feel the sweat popping up on my forehead and scalp like a million pins and needles, thriving under the thick, dark, insulating helmet of hair (which will have frizzed out instantly upon exiting the apartment, despite the gobs of Frizz-ease and hair wax applied in a vain attempt to tame it). Make-up is futile, as by the time I reach my destination it will have all melted off, leaving me red-faced and shiny once more. Scheduling becomes an issue, since every trip to class is preceded by a quick jaunt to the ladies' room to run my wrists under cold water and blot with paper towel, in an attempt to feel more human. My water bottle won't stay full for long. And upon entering the air conditioned building I'll immediately get the shivers from the sheer shock of the cold air on my skin.

But with the bad comes the good. The longer growing season means all the flowering trees and plants are still in bloom, filling my walk with vivid oranges and pinks. The decaying pine needles let off a pleasant, familiar odour, made stronger by the warmth of the air. Sweet peas wind their way through the chain-link fences that line the sidewalk, their colourful flowers and enticing fruits just daring me to pick them. Trees become even more beautiful for the shade they provide, and the thick, springy grass becomes an oasis for the feet because it holds on to the cooler night air longer than the rest. And, there is nothing quite as satisfying as a tall drink of cold water.

It's days like these that I miss being on the ocean, where long sleeves are a necessity even in the summer heat.

It's days like these that make me stop dreaming of success, and start dreaming about air conditioning.