Wading Through Life

The Magic Number

2011-04-28T20:33:00.003-04:00

In my experience, most good things seem to happen in threes. So, here are my three:

1. I got a job! Not a "real" job, but a summer job. I put in an application during one of my panicky I'm-never-going-to-get-a-job days, got an invitation for an interview the next morning, and interviewed and got the job the day after that. It's only a 3-month position, but at least it's something! I'll be spending the summer on beautiful Grand Manan Island off the coast of New Brunswick, working as an "Environmental Science Educator" at the Whale Camp. Basically, I'll be spending the summer teaching kids between 10 and 17 all about the environment and ecology of the area (which includes beaches and tidepools, salt marshes and bogs, forests, ocean habitats, etc) AND teaching them all about WHALES. Hence the name "Whale Camp". Plus (as long as enough people sign up) I'll be running a program called "Authors and Artists of the Sea", where I still teach all the same things but then additionally encourage and guide the campers to express what they've learned through writing, photography and other art forms. (I was hand-picked for this position because of my journalism and photography background, and I was *hoping* to be able to teach the college-level course as well -- because how great would that look on the resume??-- but unfortunately it doesn't look like anyone's signing up for credits. Sad panda.) The greatest part? Because I'm on the educational staff, I only have to work from breakfast until dinner... which means somebody else gets to deal with all the after-hours camper drama. Score!

2. I have a job interview for a full time position with DFO (Department of Fisheries and Oceans for all you non-Canucks... it's the Canadian equivalent of NOAA). In fact, the interview is tomorrow morning, bright and early. Right now I'm sitting in a hotel room in Burlington, Ontario, trying not to freak out. But the "interesting" part? It's for a job in Iqaluit. You know where Iqaluit is? North. Like, really REALLY north.

Do you see it?? Look up. Look waaaaaay up.

No joke, when I got the invite for the interview, I actually rolled my eyes to the ceiling and said "Hah! Very funny..." then promptly started freaking out. Koda and I barely survived Ontario winter... how the heck are we supposed to live somewhere that's cold pretty much all year? I spent a solid week just freaking out over the whole thing, but I'm thankfully a lot more zen about it now. Truthfully, a year or two up north wouldn't be so bad... It would be a huge adjustment, but also an adventure. I always said it would be interesting to spend a year up north. And now would be the time for me to do it, since I'm currently not tied down to anywhere or anyone. I really don't think I'll get the job, though. In fact, I think there's pretty much no hope in hell of me actually getting the job. It's in fisheries, which I'm really not qualified for and don't really want to get pegged into. But still, interviewing with the government is great experience, and if I do by some miracle get the position, the pay is going to be effing awesome. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but c'mon... government salaries plus isolation pay? CA-CHING!

3. If I didn't accept the summer job in NB, I would have most likely gotten a position on a summer-long research cruise on the Red Sea (Egypt!) studying dolphins. I was invited to do an interview, and when I declined because I had already accepted the other job they emailed back saying how disappointed they were that I was no longer in the running, and they hoped I would reconsider. Sadly, this position was unpaid AND I would have had to pay travel costs to and from Egypt, as well as boat fees to help cover food costs. I applied to this position without realizing it was unpaid, and I'm not sure I would have done it even if I had nothing else lined up for the summer, but still. It's nice to be asked.

So, there are my three! Here's hoping another cluster of good news comes soon.... *fingers crossed for a full-time job! Preferably starting in September or October, so I can still have fun at camp this summer.*

The ABCs of Job Hunting

2011-03-27T13:08:00.002-04:00

If you had asked me this time last year what my plans were for the job hunt, I could have listed off my plan, my backup plan, my backup for my backup plan, my backup for my backup for my backup plan, and so on. Plan A: Find a job doing marine mammal research, either for a non-profit (first choice), or a government organization (second choice). Plan B: Find a job doing marine research that isn't solely based on marine mammals, but has a marine mammal component. Plan C: Find a communications job in a marine conservation organization. Plan D: Find a job doing marine environmental outreach or education. Plan E: Find a job in any sort of marine or fisheries or environmental organization, using any of my varied freshwater/marine/environmental/communications/outreach experiences as a jumping off point. Preferably a job in North America.

At the time, I felt like I had covered all my bases, and had formed my hierarchy of desired jobs in a way that was specific to what I want to end up doing, but general enough that I could ease in through any possible door. And, truthfully, it started off relatively promising. Months before I even graduated I had interviews for a communications position with a marine conservation organization in Maine, and for a position with the Center for Biological Diversity in Alaska. During the few months following graduation I interviewed for a position with a consulting firm in Hawaii doing work with spinner dolphins, and a temporary communications job with the Canadian Wildlife Federation in Ottawa. Each organization had their good reasons for not hiring me and truthfully, with the exception of the job in Alaska, none of the positions sounded all that great for me at that point in time anyways. But, as time wore on and no more interviews came my way, I started to get a little panicked. I expanded to different job types, sent out unsolicited resumes to any marine organization I came across, and even started applying for jobs overseas. And still, no bites.

The other day, at my annual checkup, I was chatting with my family doctor about being unemployed. She asked me what my Plan B was, and I honestly couldn't answer her. I have reached the point where my plans have all jumbled together into one huge, overwhelming goal. And when Plan A is finding employment, what the hell is Plan B?

For a very brief period of time (on one of my panicky days), I debated going back to school and doing a PhD. I even emailed a prof at Dalhousie that I've wanted to work with for years, asking if he had any spots open in his lab. During the hour it took for him to respond, I had created pro and con lists, decided that I would only do a PhD in Canada (preferably east coast) because I needed to get a foot in the door for the Canadian job market (since I discovered that training in the States doesn't make it any easier whatsoever to find a job there as a foreigner), and would only do a PhD if the funding was enough to cover living costs. But then I got the reply, and the whole thrown-together Plan B went out the window. The prof, while he was thought I had a "very impressive resume" (a line which I HATE, by the way... it's like a guy walking up to you at a bar and saying "you have such beautiful eyes..." Total cop-out. But I digress...), informed me that he had taken on too many grad students in the past few years, and it would be "a long long time" before he could take on anymore. He then let me know that in Canada, in this field, labs generally only take on grad students if they come with their own full funding, which is really hard to get. I've tried in the past and failed miserably (hence grad school in the States...). That, combined with the fact that it's another 4 or 5 years of school, do not make a PhD very appealing. So I quickly came to my senses and decided to scrap that plan.

But what does that leave me with now? I've been unemployed for almost a year, and I'm totally stuck. I suppose I could start looking into doing another unpaid internship to "gain experience" and pass the time... but I feel like I spent too much financially, mentally and emotionally on grad school to take such a huge step backwards. Plus, I already did the unpaid internship thing for a year, and I feel like I've paid my dues. But would being able to put another (more recent) job experience on my resume be worth swallowing my pride for? Maybe the fact that I'm not doing anything "in the meantime" is hurting my chances of getting interviews, because it looks like I'm not taking initiative. I don't know.... I've been wrestling with these dilemmas for months now, and I am nowhere near finding the answer. Any input or advice would be great at this point... maybe some fresh ideas will get things rolling again.

In the meantime, I'll be continuing the eternal search and application process, and keeping my fingers crossed that something pans out.

The Vanished Blogger

2011-03-22T20:37:00.002-04:00

To those of you following my blog, it may have seemed as if I dropped off the face of the earth approximately a year ago. And, in the case of the blog, I did. I'm not entirely sure why I stopped writing and updating throughout the year. Maybe I got too busy, or succumbed to the curse of "Beaufort time", or just decided that I didn't need to share all the details of my life with the inter-web. Honestly? I can't remember. But I've hit a point where I've decided to pick the blog back up again and run with it... or at least take it for a leisurely stroll during my spare time. But, since I am no longer in North Carolina, the title just didn't fit anymore. And the old layout was, well, old. So, after a quick overhaul and a subtle face lift, I present you with my "new" old blog.

Wading Through Life.

Because, really, that's all I'm doing right now. I'm not anywhere in particular, I'm not starting a new chapter of my life (*yet... but hopefully soon?), I'm not floundering or drowning or floating... I'm just wading, passing the time in the company of the gentle melancholy that seems to accompany the sand and salt between your toes.

Now for the obligatory update as to what I've been up to in the last year. Here goes...

Since I last wrote, I did indeed make it back to Beaufort, North Carolina, safe and sound. I attended the last few classes of my educational career; wrote, edited, submitted and presented my thesis; graduated; moved a couple of times and spend some time living out of hotels (long story); said goodbye to my friends yet again, then drove home to attend my sister's wedding. And, because of the type of temporary US visa I had, I was barred from returning to the States without a job. So instead, I moved back home with the pup and settled in "temporarily" to enjoy the summer while trying to find employment in the US, completely unsuccessfully. Since then, my work visa for the States has expired, and I've put out literally hundreds of job applications and unsolicited resumes all over the world to try to find work, and have had no luck. So here I sit, kicking my feet in the metaphorical sea of life, just trying to figure out what comes next. And for now, that is what this blog is about. I'm not going to guarantee that things aren't going to get ugly up in here (because sometimes, things just ARE ugly), but you're welcome to follow along if you so desire. Fingers crossed that this phase of the blog, the wading, will be short-lived and that soon I will have moved on to a new job, a new location, and a new chapter. A Canuck in (fill in the blank*).

*I am wide open to suggestions... within reason, and within my profession, please!

Snowverload 2010 : A Smattering of Photos

2010-02-06T17:37:00.010-05:00

Alright, as promised here are some pics of the last couple o' days. Enjoy!

Koda made herself right at home when we got to the hotel. Guess I should have asked for a king-sized bed!

What I woke up to this morning. My room faces the woods, so it's actually quite pretty!

My car! I think...

After I tried to clear it off to get some stuff for Koda... The doors are frozen shut.

Koda loves the snow...

...even if it is a little deep...

But even though the snow is pretty inconvenient, I have to admit I'm kinda loving it. What can I say? I'm a winter child!

Snowed In: Maryland Edition

2010-02-06T13:09:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I started my long drive from Almonte back to Beaufort, North Carolina. Under normal circumstances, I would almost be there by now. Instead, I am stuck in a hotel room in Cockeysville, Maryland, watching a record-breaking blizzard blow outside my window.

At about 1:30 yesterday I stopped in Lebanon, Pennsylvania for lunch, where a concerned retired truck driver cornered me as I was getting out of my truck to tell me about the impending winter storm. He noticed my license plate was Canadian, and told me that if I continued south on I-83 (which I was intending on doing), I was going to drive right into it in about an hour. He suggested I just stay put, get a room at the hotel beside the Wendy's (which was also close to a gas station, a mechanic, and two convenience stores), and just hunker down. For the next Two Days.

Two Days?? In Lebanon, Pennsylvania??? I don't think so. So I politely said I'd consider his advice, grabbed my number 8 combo to go, and headed back out to the interstate.

About an hour later, the flurries started. Nothing major, just a few flakes that left the roads wet. But a few minutes after they started, I looked around and realized that I was the only south-bound car on the interstate. A fact that, truthfully, made me a little uneasy... yet I continued driving for another half hour or so. Soon enough, I passed a "Welcome to Maryland!" sign, and decided that I shouldn't try to get through Baltimore that afternoon (since the retired truck driver had told me they were calling for the worst snow there). So, remembering another time I had stopped at a great condo-style hotel just inside the Maryland border, I decided to look for it again. A few lucky turns and familiar-looking town names lead me right to the hotel, where I optimistically booked a room for one night. And at 4:30 or so, I found myself lying on a couch in my suite's living room (after preparing Koda's dinner in the full kitchen), watching the plasma TV. Not too shabby for a $100 room. But when my stomach started growling around 6:00, I decided to find somewhere to grab dinner. I donned my sneakers and puffy vest, leashed Koda, and stepped outside... into about 4 inches of snow. Already. That was the point when I realized I might be here longer than I hoped. So I hit up a grocery store, grabbed some muffins, fruit and other essentials to get me through a day, and hunkered in for the night.

This morning, I woke up to about 21 inches of snow on the ground, with reports of at least 10 more coming. More than I saw in Canada over the last two months! The weather reports are taking over all the local TV channels, and it's reported that this is the most snowfall in years. And of course, since I'm heading to North Carolina where it's supposed to be warm and snow-free, I didn't bother bringing my winter boots or jacket. Which means that when I take Koda outside, I'm wading through ass-deep snow drifts wearing jeans and sneakers. Which, contrary to popular belief, is not the warmest or driest outdoor gear... and yet I can't help but laugh at the irony of the situation, and at Koda jumping into snow drifts that cover up to the tips of her ears. It's pretty hilarious!

So for now I'm hunkered down, wearing my pyjamas and watching TV (because my wet jeans are the only real clothes I packed in my overnight bag, and the rest of my stuff is buried in my car under a couple feet of snow. Plus, the doors are currently frozen shut, which I realized when I tried to un-bury Chazz enough to grab some stuff for Koda.) I'm hoping that the snow ends by tonight, and the plows make the roads passable by tomorrow... but reports are conflicting as to whether or not the Maryland National Guard is going to be able to dig us out by then. In the meantime I guess I'll just enjoy the forced relaxation, laugh at Koda in the snow, and take some pictures of the beautiful-yet-heavy blanket of white which is covering literally everything.

Photos to come soon!

Fall-ing

2009-10-16T15:45:00.003-04:00

Today, it feels like fall has FINALLY arrived. And I couldn't be happier. All day I've felt that need to be cozy that appears when the weather first starts to get cold... the desire to curl up in a blanket, put on a good movie I've seen a million times, and hibernate for a couple of hours. The grocery store all of a sudden has apple cider, and pomegranates, and pumpkins, and a huge variety of squash. I bought nutmeg, ginger and cinnamon sticks in preparation for my weekend. I wore a cozy jacket to the beach this afternoon (although my feet were bare... and are now slightly frozen). Tonight's dinner is creamy sweet potato soup (possibly with a "Fall Harvest" beer...).

It's the south. It's "cold" (aka, warm for this time of year in Canada), and I am remembering why I love fall so much.

So now I'm going to go find my fuzzy blanket, curl up on the couch, and nap in front of 'Love Actually'. Anticipating a brilliant weekend of similar pursuits :)

Sweet Potatoes: The Indecisive Tubers

2009-10-15T19:42:00.002-04:00

I just don't get sweet potatoes.

Sure, on the outside they kind of look like potatoes... but cut them open and they're the colour of cantaloupe. Slice them into "fries", they look like carrot sticks. They're in the vegetable category, but they taste sweet like fruit.

What gives?

I'm still on the fence about the presence of sweet potatoes on my grocery list. Fries are currently in the oven... we'll see how they rank.

The Sand Dollar

2009-09-03T21:37:00.004-04:00

Today, I took a walk on the beach.

Ever since my first here, I’ve wanted to find a whole sand dollar. One intact, perfectly round, pristinely white sand dollar. That’s not too much to ask, right? So every day as Koda and I take our stroll I keep my eyes on the damp sand, looking for the telltale curve of delicate ivory.

Today, the beach was a necessity. With Koda, a travel mug full of calming coffee, and sand between my toes, I walked to achieve sanity and balance. The beach, uncrowded and cool, was the type of setting that matched my mood so perfectly it would have had my grade 12 English teacher jumping up and down in ecstasy yelling “can you see the pathetic fallacy??” (She really loved her literary devices…) The sky was dark, on the verge of rain that, besides a few stray drops, it managed to keep contained. The wind was strong and chaotic, blowing in all directions at once. The waves churned and crashed on the shore, as if releasing the pent up frustrations and furies of the day. And so, in the company of my pathetic fallacy, I walked.

I decided that today would be the day I would find my sand dollar. Today was the day I needed to find my sand dollar. Finding this elusive sand dollar would make the frustrations and life’s little annoyances fade to the background, and my foul mood would disappear. And so I searched. I looked purposefully and thoroughly, treading carefully in the sand and poking at anything white with my toes. Then when that didn’t pan out, I heeded the old advice that when you stop looking for something, that’s when you’ll find it. So I stopped looking. And guess what?

I didn’t find my sand dollar.

I know that’s not the answer you were expecting, but that’s the end result. I spent over an hour (days, weeks…) searching for my perfect sand dollar, and never found it. I was fully expecting to find it. I figured that I would stumble over it accidentally, a sign that perfection existed somewhere in this world, and that it was within my reach. I didn’t find what I was looking for.

But I realized something on that beach. Sometimes, even if you don’t find what you’re looking for, you stumble across something beautiful and unexpected. A piece of coral washed up on the sand, a deep orange shell so large it could be used as a drinking glass, a piece of a conch which, if intact, could very well be the size of your head. And all of a sudden it doesn’t matter that it isn’t round, or pristine white. It becomes special and perfect in its own way.

And I also realized that I was passing over beautiful shards of sand dollars, halves and quarters and three-quarters, just because they weren’t perfect. They weren’t complete. But maybe that is the beauty of sand dollars: while they are lovely and pure in their unflawed form, they show a fragility and weakness that other tougher shells don’t exhibit. They lose pieces of themselves along the way, sometimes only a little, sometimes a lot. Sometimes they lose so much that they are barely recognizable. But they are still beautiful, still perfect in their imperfections. Maybe, just maybe, they are waiting to be picked up, waiting for that one thing that will make them feel whole again.

Maybe that’s all we can hope for… to love our imperfections. To find what makes us feel whole.

Today I took a walk on the beach. Today, I feel better.

The Fox and the Hound(?)*

2009-08-22T20:35:00.004-04:00

*The "Hound" has a question mark because I don't actually know if Koda is part hound or not. Signs (and sounds) point to yes.

Immediately after writing the previous post, I decided to take Koda to the beach to work off some of the energy and boredom (hers and mine). We went down to Radio Island, the closest beach to us (albeit the smallest). Since it was only her second time visiting the ocean, Koda was far more interested in walking and sniffing than actually playing, even though I made sure to bring a tennis ball for fetch. So we walked and sniffed and collected shells for about an hour, then decided to head back home and get some dinner. But, on our way back up the beach, a very unexpected visitor was blocking our path:

Not the usual fox you'd see at the beach... for one thing, this one wasn't in a tiny bikini. But it was there all the same! Koda and I kept our distance and just watched as it played in the sand, ate some pieces of fish that some beach-goers threw to it, and lounged in the shade. I was a little worried at first, because it seemed rather interested in Koda (I think it was confused by the ears... they had the same ones), but Koda was good and just sat and watched, not once trying to chase it.

Apparently this particular fox is a regular visitor to this beach, so next time I go I'll be sure to bring my camera and try to get some good pics. Until then, you can look at the lovely pic that I found on the internet.

Ten Signs That I’m Back in the South

2009-08-22T16:21:00.000-04:00

1. Even if there is a relatively strong breeze, the weather is so hot and humid that after two minutes outside my house I’m covered in a sheen of sweat.

2. After 5 minutes playing outside in the early afternoon, Koda comes inside, chugs half a bowl of water, flops on the kitchen floor, and refuses to move for at least half an hour.

3. At the grocery store, it is common to hear people employ the word “y’all” and speak with strong accents resembling those on the movie Sweet Home Alabama.

4. When I visit any of the local beaches, people are actually swimming or just lying in the water. It’s actually warm enough to do that here (since the water is more like bathwater than refreshing ocean water). Unlike in the North Atlantic or North Pacific, where I’m most used to “swimming”.

5. The weather reports include sections on surf conditions and hurricane warnings.

6. The food items left in our house from the previous tenants included instant stovetop cornbread and “fruit ice” (aka Popsicles).

7. There are rocking chairs on most of the front porches (although not ours… we have a couple plastic Muskoka chairs and my basket chair).

8. Walking Koda down my street, I both get catcalled by unruly (and somewhat rude) young men, and have true southern gentlemen wish me a good day and comment on what a pretty little dog I have.

9. My jean collection, which is usually my fashion staple, has been pushed to the back of my closet in favour of shorts, skirts and capris.

And Finally…

10. The three local grocery stores are the Harris Teeter, the Food Lion, and … no joke… the Piggly Wiggly.

Orientation and classes start on Monday, so I’ll update when I have more to tell! In the meantime I’ll be finishing setting up my house (I HAVE A HOUSE!) and getting Koda settled. Will post pics when things are prettier.

Better Late Than Never...

2009-08-22T15:56:00.001-04:00

A post written August 10th, saved and forgotten on my computer...

En Route

It’s over.

My month on Canada’s west coast has officially come to an end, and I honestly have mixed feelings about it. I’m writing this from a small coffee shop in Port McNiell, BC, where I’m waiting for a Greyhound bus to take me to Comox where I’ll catch a flight home (via Calgary and Toronto). I finally have time to reflect on the last month of my life, and I thought that since I have a couple of hours with nothing to do, I’d share some of my ponderings. (Although with lack of free Internet access, this will actually be posted after I’m home.)

I went into this internship with admittedly negative feelings, after months of confusion and changing plans and fluid details. I know that’s not the best way to start a new adventure. The negative feelings at the beginning coloured the rest of the trip. But I won’t lie to you, dear readers, when the time came to actually leave for this trip, I didn’t even want to go anymore. (I think it had something to do with the whole “you’re hired!” “no wait, you’re un-hired…” “you’re re-hired!” “nope, changed our minds, you’re re-un-hired…” “well maybe we can work something out…” “nope, you can come if you pay us rent, and a $20 volunteer fee” “oh, by the way, you’re camping for a month” thing. But there’s really no telling for sure.) Because of this, my entire trip was one giant countdown to the time when I could go home again.

Don’t get me wrong, the trip had its good parts. In fact, it even had its brilliant and Downright Amazing parts. Yet another life-changing experience. This was the first time I’d ever really studied killer whales, having spent the majority of my Whale-Woman career focused on humpbacks and Right whales. (“Whale Woman” being the nickname I was given by one of my amazing volunteers. And no, he wasn’t calling me fat.) They truly are beautiful, fascinating creatures, with complex social systems rivaling our own. I’d love to come back to the west some day to study more about Orca behaviour, but who knows where life’s paths will lead me?

But, as is the point of this post, things out here weren’t all rainbows and sunshine (although we did have amazing weather when I was out here, which made camping a whole lot more enjoyable). I won’t get into things here because, although I’ll never lie to my readers, there are things that I just shouldn’t say online. Plus I’m not that petty. But those who have endured my rants over the last month know what I’m talking about. Lets just say that after one encounter, a very intuitive volunteer turned to me and noted “you must either be extremely laid-back, or just really, really flexible. They’re throwing a lot at you… it’s a good thing you can roll with the punches.”

But, as with all life-changing experiences, this trip taught me a lot about myself and what I can do. It pushed my limits in more ways than one, and for that I’m grateful. I learned that no matter how many times I declared over my lifetime that I would never pee in the woods, sometimes it’s necessary. I also learned that a little creativity and some conveniently-shaped driftwood can make a pit-toilet a whole lot more comfortable.

I learned that I can be patient, but there’s only so much “patience” one can employ before they just end up becoming somebody’s doormat. And after learning that, I learned to stand up for myself and express my point of view without it turning into a big thing, and I learned that sometimes compromise is necessary (even if the compromise really makes no sense in the long run… sometimes you just have to appease people).

I learned never to write convoluted blog entries that I think are funny and witty, but that may make others think that an acquaintance/friend/boyfriend passed away during my journey. (Don’t worry, everyone is alive and well! It was only my expensive sunglasses that made the fateful journey to their final resting place – a.k.a. the bottom of Johnstone Strait.)

I learned that I actually enjoy wilderness camping (as long as there’s access to a shower every few days), that I can “be in charge” of a group of adults and actually feel like they’re willing to listen to me rather than just humour me (since I look so young, sometimes it’s easy to believe that people twice my age are more likely to gaze at me and go “oh isn’t that sweet, she’s trying to teach us stuff!” rather than actually listen to my instructions). I learned to live with a boy (since, growing up with only sisters and female roommates, I’d never learned how previously), and how to curl up in exactly the right position to make sleeping on a couch for a month slightly comfortable. I learned that climbing a mountain daily is great exercise, but scaling rock faces is probably not something I’d do for fun. I re-learned that I bruise easily, and that black-and-blue legs are even less attractive than pasty legs. I learned plenty more too, but I should probably wind it up here.

Most importantly, I realized that no matter where in the world I may be, and no matter how long I’ve been away, there really is no place like home. And home is not necessarily a particular place or a particular house, it’s wherever you find those you love. And as of now, with 20-odd hours of traveling still left in front of me, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

The countdown is on. Again.

Goodbye, Dear Friend

2009-07-20T20:36:00.001-04:00

Today I bid a final farewell to my dear friend, Maui Jim.

MJ, I have to admit it wasn’t love at first sight. That early January day when we met at the Hut in the mall, your subtle grace and understated style did not immediately attract my attention. I was swayed by the overt beauty of Burberry and the solid construction and reliability of Oakley. But when I took the time to get to know you and give you a shot, your strong arms gently cradled my face in a way no others could; snug and stable, but not tight enough to pinch. Your beautiful amber colouring allowed me to see the world in a completely new light, everything in sharper contrast than before. I knew from that moment on that we were meant to be.

In the short time we knew each other, you protected me against the glare of snow on a frozen lake, the bright summer rays filtering through the windshield on long car trips, and the glinting, blinding light dancing off the waves as we dashed through the ocean in a small zodiac. On our final journey, we bobbed gently in the waves of Johnstone Strait in our bright yellow kayak, sharing views of spruce-covered mountains and kelp-lined shores. Just before parting, we witnessed a pod of porpoises flitting by, leaping happily through the waves without a care in the world.

Then, as if thinking you could never top this shared moment, you slipped gently from your preferred perch on my head and dove into the water below. My deafening wail of despair and my desperate reach toward you were of no avail, since you slipped gently through the fingers of my jacketed arm that was plunged elbow-deep in the frigid ocean. As I worked to keep the kayak upright while I reached for you, you winked a gentle goodbye and slipped farther into the darkness.

I’ll never let go, Jim. I’ll never let go.

For the rest of the day, my wet arm reminded me of the times we shared together, and the future that was now beyond our reach. While our friends toss out words of condolence and promises of newer, cheaper pairs at the local grocery store, my sadness still flows strongly. Yes, Maui Jim, you will be replaced. But you will never be forgotten.

So goodbye, dear sunglasses. You will be sorely missed.

A Desperate Plea to my B.C. Readers

2009-07-15T19:29:00.004-04:00

Do you like whales...? And camping...? (*insert patented creepy smile*)

I'm looking for some volunteers to help me out gathering data for my masters project over the next month. So if you live anywhere near Vancouver Island (Alert Bay, to be exact) or can take a few days off and come up here to hang out with me and some killer whales, then I would be eternally grateful! Here's a copy of my desperate plea that I'm flinging out far and wide... (although it's not actually written by me. My copy was immediately discarded because it wasn't persuasive enough.)

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR WHALE RESEARCH

I’m a Masters student and Straitwatch volunteer looking for help with land-based whale/boat traffic observations in the Johnstone Strait area. Tasks include helping to collect and record data on whale activities and vessel traffic from a cliff-top observation point. While out there we will be camping at Kaikash for 3 to 4 days at a time. I’m looking for someone who enjoys spending time outdoors, has camping experience and is interested in learning more about whales.

This is a great opportunity to gain field experience. This position is based out of Alert Bay so you will need to arrive the day prior to the volunteer dates listed below. From Alert Bay a small boat will take us to Kaikash where we will camp and the boat will pick us up on the last day. There is minimal cost involved with this opportunity as you only need to be a member of Cetus Research & Conservation Society ($20 membership fee) to participate. However, you will need to provide your own camping gear and food while we are out there.

Volunteers are needed for the following dates:
July 21-23
July 27-29
July 31- August 3
August 5-8

If interested in any or all of these dates, please contact Robyn Walker at robynpwalker@yahoo.ca, or Straitwatch at 250-974-7056

Help me out, if you can!!

A School-Blog Reject...

2009-07-15T19:26:00.002-04:00

... or just something I've been trying to post for a few days, but for some reason the website doesn't want to load properly for me here. So enjoy!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Where in the world is…?

This July, while my classmates are sweating it out in the rainforests of Costa Rica, Borneo and Madagascar, I’m sporting a winter hat and mittens. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

July 11th, I arrived on the northern tip of Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia to start my somewhat shortened summer internship. For exactly one month, I’m working for an organization called Straitwatch which studies boat activity near whales (specifically killer whales) in Johnstone Strait and the surrounding areas. For the last two days I’ve gone out on their zodiac, following a few humpback whales, a group of five incredibly acrobatic transient killer whales, a few dozen Dahl’s porpoises and a few hundred Pacific white-sided dolphins (which spent some of their time bow-riding just a short distance below my feet). Suddenly, the hat and mittens I threw in my luggage “just in case” have become daily accessories.

On land, the temperature is only slightly lower than what I’ve gotten used to for this time of the year, averaging about 20-30 degrees Celsius on a warm day. But on the water, it’s a whole other story. In the channels around the islands, the clouds and sometimes dense fog block out the sun and make the temperature drop a few degrees. The dampness on the water adds to the temperature drop, and the spray and wind from the zodiac makes it even colder. So by the end of the day, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I “over-packed” and brought my 2 sweaters, jacket and rain pants with me because I will have already put them all on less than an hour into the trip. But in the late afternoon when the fog lifts briefly to expose the vistas of rich green forests and the towering mountains lining the channels, it’s more than worth it.

Being a winter-child, I have absolutely nothing against the cold. I’d much rather be bundled up and shivering a bit than dressed down and melting. So the job conditions work just fine for me! I love being out on the water for the first time in a couple of years, and I’m remembering some things that have slipped my mind since my last boating gig. For one, it doesn’t take much time to get my sea-legs (even though anybody who knows me can attest that I’m less than graceful on land), but it takes at least three times as long to get my land-legs back. (As I’m writing this, the computer is swaying gently from side to side… as is the couch.) Also, no matter how many times I see the tell-tale arch of a humpback’s back that means it’s going to fluke, or the towering, graceful dorsal fin of a killer whale slicing through the water, or the flashing happy grin of a dolphin surfing the bow wave, it never fails to take my breath away.

Before I left home, one of my sisters gave me a hug and said “you better have fun out there, this is what you’ll be doing for the rest of your life.”

Have no fear, Kate. I could totally get used to this.

Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

2009-07-10T01:03:00.003-04:00

It’s nights like these that make me remember why I miss Ottawa.

It’s a place so full of life, so comforting in its familiarity, never dull with all its goings-on. This evening, I stood in the summer heat and watched the sun set over the skyline, punctuated by the winking windows of the parliament buildings, while the strong tempo and crooning lyrics of Metric lead the city from daytime to night. Sitting on a blanket of grass under a ceiling of stars, I let the rasping, soulful, heart-wrenching vocals of Ben Harper break me to pieces and reconfigure me in a million different ways. Breathing in the earthy smell of the damp grass, the sweet and heavy aroma of marijuana and the tangy smell of spilled beer, I felt completely at ease. Ottawa is a place that embraces but does not smother, that allows anonymity without invisibility, that accepts differences and encourages originality. It’s a place where you can be surrounded by hundreds of people, and still manage to find your childhood best friend, that guy your roommate had a crush on in first year, and your best friend’s sister’s ex-fiancé that you accidentally dated once.

Tomorrow I fly off again to the newest version of my own Far Far Away. And every time I leave, it feels like yet another terrible break-up. The bittersweet kind where you smile sadly and promise to stay friends, but you know deep down inside that it can never be the same again. Every plane takeoff, every border crossing brings that now familiar ache of loss and nostalgia, the memories of what was and the dreams of what could have been tugging strangely at my insides.

Sure, there have been other cities. And there will be many more. There will be new affairs, new flings with other city streets, and possibly one day even a new love. But Ottawa was my first. The place where I first made my mark, the place where I learned to spread my wings, the place where I got to know the girl I would become. And, because of that, it will always be the one that all others get measured against, for better or for worse.

So goodnight Ottawa, until we meet again.

Am I Simon or Garfunkel?

2009-04-07T20:57:00.006-04:00

Ok, so the last few weeks have been ridiculously crazy, and really not that fun. Lots of stuff going on school-wise and work-wise, as well as all the ups and downs of trying to find a summer internship, thinking I had one in B.C., planning a roadtrip to get there, finding out the funding fell through, and scrambling to find another job only to realize my summer plans would inevitably include going back to Almonte. So probably no whales this summer, unless I manage to weasel my way into a tagging trip with one of my profs off the coast of Boston (with the people I worked with at the Whale Center, which could be fun!)

BUT, I have something far cuddlier than whales to look forward to....

Internet, meet Koda!

Her name is short for Kodachrome, which is the very first colour film put out by Kodak. Yes, I'm a huge photo-geek... but I wanted to pick a name that would reflect some of my interests, and "Humpback" just wasn't doing it for me. Get over it. Revel in her cuteness for a bit.

Now, some of you may be thinking that this was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and that I just decided to get a puppy to make myself feel better after everything else was falling through, but you would be wrong. (And if this is what you're thinking, no offense but I don't really want to hear about it... too many people have already told me it's a stupid idea. Don't believe them.) This decision has been 5 years in the making... 5 long years of longing for a pet of my own, and having to settle for goldfish because of various travel commitments and allergies that prevented me from getting anything that could exist outside of a bowl... and then 2 years of having to leave my beloved goldfish with my parents because they couldn't be safely transported across the border. Because my job in B.C. fell through for the summer, I now have the time and space back home to train and bond with a puppy, and if I don't jump at the chance now it will be at least another few years before it comes around again. So now I'm looking forward to heading back to to my Home in Native Land, chasing a few job leads there, and spending the summer playing with my new little ball of love.

Koda (formerly Tabby) is from a local dog rescue organization, and is being fostered in a house about 40 minutes away from where I live. I sign the adoption papers on Saturday, and I've arranged for her to stay on at the foster's house until the end of April (because I can't have a dog where I live now... it's against my lease, and I live with my landlord. Who is also highly allergic to puppies, even though she loves them.) So the plan is, I finish all my school stuff and exams, visit her whenever I want and kidnap her for the occasional daytrip, then pick her up for keeps the day I move out.

I can't wait!!!

But every time I say her name, I get a little tune by Simon and Garfunkel stuck in my head...

Ok, so it's apparently just Paul Simon.... but it's great anyways :)

New Photos

2009-03-19T21:05:00.002-04:00

So it may seem as if I've been slacking off on the whole "photo-a-day" thing, however I've been hard at work going over my Costa Rica pictures, picking my favourites, and posting them to flickr. You can visit my site here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rpizzle/

The trip was amazing, and it was just an incredible experience. I saw so many different types of animals and plants that I never even knew existed, or had only seen pictures of. I got to see 3 different types of monkeys (capuchin, howler and spider monkeys), two different types of sloth, a bunch of different lizards and reptiles, and about a million different types of birds. (Alright, that may be an exaggeration, but we saw lots). Oh, and as well as showering with a tree frog, I showered with a gecko. So all in all a successful trip!

Enjoy the photos, and feel free to let me know what you think!

Ola from Costa Rica!

2009-03-11T18:51:00.003-04:00

Hey folks! As the title may suggest, I am in fact in Costa Rica. At La Selva research station, to be exact. I was planning on posting a few pictures from the last few days, however I seem to have left the jump drive with the photos in my room, and seeing as it's about a 5 minute walk from the dorm to the computer room and it's currently pouring (they don't call it a rainforest for nothing!) I decided to wait and just post when I get back.

In the meantime, I'll just list a few of the crazy cool things I've seen and done:
1) Went to the beach and waded in the Pacific
2) Spent a few nights at Palo Verde research station in the dry forest
3) Showered with a tree frog
4) Watched the sun go down over the wetlands where a bunch of different bird species were hanging out, then went on a night hike through the dry forest
5) Saw howler monkeys, white-faced capuchin monkeys (both with babies!), a scarlet macaw, crocodiles galore, iguanas, coatis, agoutis, poisonous snakes, glowing scorpions, all sorts of birds (including white ibis, rosy spoonbill and a toucan, amongst MANY others), poison dart frogs, leaf-cutter ants, a peccary, and probably a million other animals that I'm forgetting
6) hiked at the base of an active volcano (although it was too foggy to actually see anything)
7) Rode a horse to the edge of the rainforest then went ziplining through the canopy a few hundred feet up, which was AMAZING (who knew I could do that with my fear of falling?? Be proud!), then afterwards spent a few hours at the hot springs
8) Hiked through the rainforest with a guide who could point out a bunch of the thousands of plant species here
9) Stood and watched a sloth hanging in a tree
10) Went to the pineapple plantation where they produce all the organic pineapples for Dole, Whole Foods and President's Choice

We've done a ton more amazingly cool stuff, but that's just a basic outline of my journey thus far. Tonight we're going out to catch bats and insects, tomorrow we're going to visit a banana plantation, and other than that I'm not entirely sure what's coming up. But it's bound to be great!

Check out our trip blog to see what we're doing: www.nicholas.duke.edu/costarica
I haven't posted yet, but I think a few of my photos are up and I'll hopefully be posting within the next couple of days. Stay tuned!

Long Day is Over...

2009-03-04T23:00:00.002-05:00

...and still no photos. Sorry, again. Had class starting at 8:30 this morning, spent my lunch hour in front of a computer cramming, then wrote 2 back to back midterms tonight (pretty sure I blew them both, too). Finished at 8:30 p.m. A solid 12 hours. Recovered with a glass of wine and a mind-blowing episode of Lost, and now I'm ready for bed.

I'll try to post something tomorrow.... then a 10-day hiatus while I'm in Costa Rica!

Sorry Folks...

2009-03-03T22:34:00.001-05:00

No photo for today. It's been kind of hectic, and I just didn't find time to bring my camera out. And now I'm just too wiped.

Tomorrow's looking pretty ridiculous as well... I'll do my best, but no promises!

Greatest Monday EVER

2009-03-02T13:06:00.006-05:00

I woke up this morning the same way I always do: My alarm went off, and after some struggling to find my arms beneath the blankets I hit the snooze button and went back to sleep. Nine minutes later, my alarm goes off. I hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. Nine minutes later, my alarm goes off. I hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. Nine minutes later, my alarm goes off. I flick the button over to radio, but my clock is being testy again and doesn't pick up the station. So I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, slowly inching my feet out from beneath my cozy duvet so the cold floor won't seem like such a shock. Then, with the world's most heartfelt sigh, I ease my way out of bed and hit the showers (where I wash my hair AND my face twice, because I can't remember which cleansing rituals have already been completed).

Then, clean and dry and wrapped in a big fluffy towel, I turn on my computer to check my email. But this morning differed from others in one glorious way. Awaiting me in my inbox was a notification of the one thing every student (even us ancient grad students) wait the entire year to hear....

SNOW DAY.

Classes cancelled, assignments put off, SNOW DAY.

Of course the first thing I do is call my Mom to brag about my luck, and revel in the fact that I can go back to bed for awhile. And go back to bed I do... not sleeping, but watching a full 3 episodes of Gilmore Girls on DVD and letting my mind slowly wake up the proper way.

Then, after sufficient time had passed and I felt it was time to actually start my day, I hazarded a peek out the window, to see this incredible environmental saviour that caused classes to be cancelled.

And what, may you ask, did I see?

An inch of snow. ONE. FULL. INCH.

As one friend put it, "An inch of snow and the entire city shuts down? What a Toronto thing to do..."

Poor Chazz, he probably thought coming south meant never having to say "I'm freezing". Too bad I left my snow brush in Ottawa...

I don't think the holly-like bush outside my front door liked it too much either. But it sure does look purdy!

And now, my friends, I am off to spend the remainder of my snow day trying to catch up on homework assignments and study for the two midterms I write this week.

Oh, and to practice my "interpretive talk" for my job interview tonight... wish me luck!

Child-Robyn's Dream Come True

2009-03-01T19:44:00.004-05:00

So I was sent to cover an event today for the communications department, and when I walked into the room I nearly fainted with delight. The room was full of 1500 brand-spanking-new books. Shiny, colourful, wonderfully-gloriously-new-smelling children's books.

Child-Robyn would have died on the spot out of sheer joy.

(You can find more info about the event on my school blog... it'll be up within a few days)

Down for the count

2009-02-28T16:11:00.003-05:00

I've been out with a major headache all day, either due to the weather or the chloroquine (apparently nausea and headaches are the main side effects).

Makes paper-writing really fun.

A Day of Health

2009-02-27T19:09:00.003-05:00

So today I went and got all my travel shots and meds that I need for Costa Rica, and have officially started taking my chloroquine (anti-malarial drug). Now all I have to do is finish up all the crap I have to do school-wise in the next few days (which, trust me, is A LOT), pick up my Costa Rican colons (the currency there) on Tuesday, and I'm almost set to go....

Gawd I need a break.

"Chloroquine Spill"

A Photo a Day Keeps the Crazy Away....

2009-02-26T22:51:00.005-05:00

I've never been the kind of girl who made or kept New Years resolutions.... but I have always observed Lent. When I was little, I consistently gave up chocolate, chips, pop, gum... whatever my vice happened to be that year. But as the years progressed, there seemed to be less and less to give up. I don't really eat candy, I rarely eat chips, I don't drink pop at all, I've stopped chewing gum for the most part (unless it's to keep me awake during especially boring classes... then I'll pop a piece). Really, my only vices right now are lattes and peanut butter (not together. Ew.), and I can't really give up either one of those, since lattes are my back-up source of calcium and peanut butter is my back-up source of protein. (Yes, I need to grocery shop more often.) So, this year instead of giving things up for Lent, I've decided to make goals instead.

Which brings me to the point of this posting. My goal for Lent is to spend a little time each day with my camera. Each day, I will produce a photo/photo series/photoshop disasterpiece for your general enjoyment, and my overall sanity. This is me forcing myself to take time away from the stress of school, and do something that I actually enjoy and makes me feel saner. I'm convinced school is killing my creativity, so this is me rebelling.

I will not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light! (Thank you, Dylan Thomas)

So, with no further ado, here is my first photo series:

"A Study in Sweet Hearts"

Keep checking back, I'm going to try and keep up with this photo-a-day thing... there will be a brief hiatus from March 6-15th while I head to Costa Rica, but expect more photos after that!

Oh, and I'll be cross-posting to Facebook if you want to keep an eye on my images there.

$10.50's Worth 1000 words?

2009-02-08T20:12:00.005-05:00

I have a problem.

Well, I don't really see it as a problem... but my bank account/time management troll (the little guy I keep employed in my daily planner) may disagree.

My problem? My hobby is becoming a bit of an obsession.

I've realized that when I travel anywhere, I carry at least three cameras with me. Four, if you count the fact that my cell phone also takes pictures. Basically, I have my big fancy DSLR, which I love to death, plus the lenses and hot-shoe flash. I also carry a digital point-and-shoot, for those times when I want a fast photo instead of playing with lighting and all the fun dials on my big camera. And, just in case I feel a picture just isn't quite enough, I have my Flip-cam for taking videos. To go along with these, I have a full-sized tripod and a mini gorilla-pod, plus a few other miscellaneous accessories.

But the real problem? I WANT MORE.

Tonight I was a few minutes away from winning a vintage Praktica Super TL3 camera with accessories on ebay, with a bid of $10.50.
It was something I bid on purely on a whim, and mostly because it was such a great deal... I mean, a vintage 35mm SLR, in working condition, that comes with 2 lenses, a flash, and other miscellaneous attachments?? That's what we call a STEAL. I even went so far as to check out what batteries it needed, where I could get them, and how much they would cost ($5.95/battery... not too bad). It came down to the last 10 minutes of the sale, and it totally looked like nobody else was going to bid... there were only 3 of us involved in the original bidding, and they both stopped at $10. So there I was, picturing opening the box, pulling out my new toy, loading some film, and having the time of my life. Maybe I'd try to sign up for evening photography classes on campus so I could develop my own film... and then I'd hone my darkroom skills and learn how to create different photo effects while developing the shots... and then my photos would be so good that somebody who turned out to be the owner of a small independent gallery would randomly see them, beg me to show at their gallery, and my photography career would be well on its way to getting started....

But while I was busy planning out the rest of my creative life, I stopped paying attention to the auction... and in the last 5 minutes missed 12 bids, and lost the camera to somebody who paid $22.50. Damn.

I don't know what exactly it is about the old vintage cameras, but there's something about them that I love. I think part of it is just that they look so effing cool! Yes, I know, that's totally a shallow comment... but it's true. I mean, even drawings of them are cool looking. In fact, I've recently fallen in love with these amazing dishes from Etsy that I would get, if I had a house of my own to use them in:

Even more than looks, however, is just the feel of the older cameras. They have heavier bodies and more angular shapes, which makes them different to hold. They have the fun little film-advance lever that makes the "cachink!" sound when you flick it. And the shutter click is just so much more satisfying on the old cameras! My fingers twitch just thinking about it...

I think part of my love for the old cameras comes from the fact that I learned the basics of SLR photography using my Dad's old Ricoh. Taking pictures with that camera just felt more pure than with digital, and I can remember the thrill of using it for the first time. Plus there was the excitement of never actually knowing what would come out with each shot, and the exhileration of developing the film in the darkroom and watching what would suddenly appear in the frames... man, I miss those days (however brief my stint in the darkroom was).

Now, don't get me wrong, I DO already have a 35mm SLR. But the thing is, it's a relatively new one and reminds me a lot of my DSLR. I love them both, but they just don't feel the same as the older ones. (Oh, and it's currently back home in Canada...) Hence my recent obsession with tracking down the perfect vintage SLR (preferably for less than $30... but that may be asking a lot). Yes, 3 SLRs is excessive. No, I don't need another camera. But this little voice in my head just keeps whispering "but it's a good deal! It's an investment! It's only $30-ish dollars! You've been thinking of getting a vintage camera for a few years now, and if you're still thinking about it then it's ok to get one... you've held out long enough!"

Could somebody please tell the little voice to shut up? Either that, or help me justify getting another camera... and then help me scour ebay for a nice one in good working order.

Oh, and ps: school's ok, life's ok, and only 11 more weeks in Durham... I'll update when I have something more interesting to add.

Last Night in the First Quarter....

2009-01-12T21:54:00.003-05:00

Hello again, world! I've taken what has turned out to be a rather long hiatus from blogging... and for the most part, real life in general. After my last post I basically spent my remaining time in Durham either holed up in the computer lab or sprawled out in my room studying, then I flew home for a month of blissful, school-free vacation. I spent most of my time hanging out with family, meeting up with old friends, sleeping, playing, and generally just pretending the days weren't ticking by. But alas, they were... and so I'm back in Durham and right back into the thick of things. Even though this is only the first full week of classes, I've been swamped since I got back with all the magazine stuff that I couldn't finish off before I left, and chose to ignore when I was home (because really, I can't write a locally-based story when I'm out of the country...). I could whine and pout about the unfairness of being assigned stories last minute, and how maybe they should have *remembered* to assign me the stories originally instead of sending me home in prior weeks because they had nothing for me to do.... but that's not what this post is about.

No, dear friends, this post is about the somewhat scary fact that tomorrow (or more specifically, in about 2 hours) I turn the dreaded 2-5.

(Dunn Dunn DUUUUUUNNNNNNNN)

Now I myself am not exceptionally bothered by this fact. Sure, I'm turning a quarter of a century. Yes, when I say it that way it sounds old. And numerous (usually younger) friends seem to get a great deal of pleasure out of pointing my ancient-ness out to me. And telling me that all their friends who are that age are married and have popped out a couple of kids. And how that's ok, I'm just not "at that stage" yet... whatever that may mean.

The thing is, people aren't maturing at the rate they used to. Women don't get married at the age of 17 and have 3 kids by the time they're 21 anymore. Instead, we go to school. We get a degree. Sometimes we get two degrees. Or three. We're capable, and it's recognized... so why is my "stage" in life dependent on whether there's a ring on the finger and a bun in the oven? I'm not measuring my life by whether or not I'm in a serious relationship... so why should other people?

Peoples' "innocent" comments and teasing jabs occasionally will get to me, and I'll let myself be overcome by all the things I haven't done in my 24 years on Earth. I haven't finished school, I haven't had a "real" job (or so I've been told), I haven't found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I haven't figured out where I'm going to settle down or what exactly I'll be doing, I haven't decided where I'll be 10 years from now... hell, I don't even know where I'll be 4 months from now!

But you know what? I'm only 24. And in 1.5 hours, I will only be 25. That's not as young as I used to be, but it's sure as hell not old. I have the rest of my life ahead of me to figure out where to go, and what to do, and who to spend time with. I'll be a year older tomorrow than I am today, and that's ok! Age is just a number, and I'd rather be older and have done the things that I wanted to before "settling down", than be young, married and bitter.

I'm young. I'm happy. And it's THAT, not whether or not I have a ring, that makes ME successful.

A Lesson in Canadian Politics, for my American Friends!

2008-12-04T12:48:00.003-05:00

As all of my Canadian peeps are more than aware, but my American peeps seem to be oblivious to.... All is NOT well in the state of Canadia. In fact, things seem a little un-democratic and slightly/grievously wrong. Our Conservative government (which currently holds the minority) is facing an uprising by our new Liberal/NDP/Bloc Quebecois Coalition, and is scrambling to get parliament suspended* for a few months until they can figure out wtf to do about it. (Yes, that was a very glossed-over synopsis... but in my opinion that's pretty much what's happening.)

So basically, it's a giant game of Survivor Canada up in the House of Commons... and Layton, Dion and Duceppe have formed an alliance to vote Harper off the island.

Anyways, my good friend Andrea sent along a hilarious link that explains, in American terms, what exactly is happening with your friendly neighbours to the north. So I urge all of my American friends to read THIS and learn about the Canadian government (which, contrary to popular belief, is NOT like Star Wars... although I'm sure Rick Mercer would have loved that comparison), and my Canadians out there should have a good chuckle over it.

*note: just after writing this post, I saw on CBC that the Governor General has decided to let Harper prorogue.... which means this could be an interesting next few months...

Cali Video UP!

2008-12-02T14:09:00.003-05:00

Remember that fun and awesome trip I took out to the sunny coast of California? Well along with all my pictures I made a fantastically propaganda-ish video for the communications department, which has FINALLY been posted. Check it out here. Feel free to rave about my mad videography skillz.

(PS: I'm being *sarcastic*, not conceited. Anybody who knows me well (or even a little bit) will know that, however I figure it just comes off egotistical to people who don't know me... so consider yourselves informed.)

Good Little Enviro-Kids Recycle...

2008-11-26T16:51:00.004-05:00

...Which is why I'm posting this entry, which was originally meant for my other blog. You know, the one I write for the Nick School. However I wasn't completely happy with it, and ended up doing a complete rewrite (which you can see on the Nick School blog site, hopefully within the next few days). But I also have this disease where I don't like to just scrap anything that I write, so you (my faithful blog readers) will be subjected to my "From the Trenches" blog rejects. Enjoy!

Black Friday – The Most Sinister Day of the Year

If we were to arrange a face-off between Black Friday and Boxing Day, the two most violent-sounding shopping days in North America… who would win?

Now, for all you people who are scratching your heads, wondering “what is Boxing Day?”, let me explain. Boxing Day is our backwards Canadian version of Black Friday, which is celebrated the day after Christmas by most of the British Commonwealth. Opposite to Black Friday, which traditionally marks the opening of the Christmas shopping season in the U.S., December 26th (and usually the full week after) marks the time when Canadians can gather all their gift cards and money from relatives, take stock of what is under the tree, then go out and buy what they really wanted. Reindeer sweaters and pink fuzzy socks get pushed into a corner until the time they can be returned, or maybe passed on to the homeless man on the street who probably doesn’t care that they are “soooo last year…”

Truthfully, the idea of these mass-sale “holidays” has never appealed to me. The sinister names themselves are enough to turn me off, conjuring images of black-eyes and boxing-gloved sale seekers. And then there are the line-ups and the unfriendly crowds… and the environmentalist in me doesn’t even want to think of all the extra waste we’re creating. All those plastic shopping bags, and receipts, and gift boxes… not to mention all the extra heat released into the atmosphere by all those shoppers burning up their credit cards. *Shudder*

The part that I find most disheartening, though, is how selfish these “holidays” have become. Historically, Boxing Day was celebrated as far back as the Middle Ages as a day to give a little something to the less fortunate. The term itself comes from the boxes of food and clothes that would be distributed to the poor of the communities, or the box of tips that would be split amongst hardworking vendors, or the “Christmas Box” or bonus that employers would give to their overworked employees. Yet somehow, this “holiday” has turned into an opportunity for people to get the best deals on junk they don’t actually need. When did everything become so commercial?

Now, I’m not trying to be preachy. I know all about excess (and anybody who’s seen my closet can confirm that fact). All I’m saying is, while you’re out in the crowds, your blood racing at the prospect of how much money you’re saving, take a second to stop and think. Do you really need that V-neck sweater in three colours? Is it necessary or practical to get a second iPod (even if it does match your new “so cute!” red jacket)? And, seriously, are you ever going to wear those blue hounds-tooth knee-high boots?

Maybe, just maybe, your money would be worth saving until something you actually want comes along. Maybe that $50 from Aunt Ida could be put to better use than buying yet another Rockband game (which, admit it, you haven’t had time to play much of anyway…) Maybe it could buy some food and warm clothes for the less fortunate instead. Maybe the homeless man on the corner (yes, the one you gave that hideous reindeer sweater to) could have a warm meal this Christmas. Maybe the girl you passed by on the street with the emaciated puppy could use a coffee and a bag of dog food. Maybe you can help someone who actually needs it. And maybe you’ll even feel good about it.

Just maybe…

Realization of the Day

2008-11-18T13:28:00.002-05:00

When you take to discussing with yourself OUT LOUD the pros and cons of taking a nap, then start bargaining with yourself OUT LOUD about what you'll get done later if you take a nap now.... you probably need the nap.

Or a lobotomy.

A Lesson in Commenting

2008-11-15T14:18:00.002-05:00

I've had several people mention to me that posting comments on my blog is somewhat confusing... So I decided to post a quick little comment lesson for all my non-blogging friends. Learning to comment is very simple, and takes only four quick and easy steps:

1. Type your comment in the "Leave your comment" box.

2. In the "Word Verification" box, retype the word you see floating above it. (This step is to ensure that I don't get spam in my comments section)

3. Under the "Choose an identity" section, click the little circle next to "Anonymous". No, you don't have to have an account to leave a message... I know most people don't, so I set it so that anyone can comment. Just make sure to leave your name, so I know who's posting!

4. Click the bright orange "Publish your comment" button. Doing this will post your comment to my blog, and allow me to read it.

Thanks for your time, and happy commenting!

You Know You Need A Break When...

2008-11-13T08:19:00.001-05:00

1. You get halfway through doing something and forget what exactly it is you’re trying to get done. Then 10 minutes later you realize you’re not wearing any pants.

2. The thought of checking your school email account in the mornings causes your whole body to slow down, your stomach to tie itself into a knot and drop about a foot, and a sinister organ-solo reminiscent of Beethoven’s 5th to start playing in your brain.

3. Your “break” during the day is to go to the coffee shop, grab a latte, and settle in with your pile of homework that needs to get done before the next class, so you can spend the time after that class finishing off the homework they just assigned.

4. You get great satisfaction out of planning your week and realizing that if you stay up half an hour later each night, you may actually get everything done.

5. You get even greater satisfaction out of crossing things off your list… and sometimes throw in a few things you’ve already done, just to make yourself feel better.

6. You get completely frustrated with your homework after spending literally an entire day doing GIS, and vow at 9:00 pm to go to bed. Instead, you end up at a friend’s house working on an assignment until after 12:30.

7. You get halfway through writing a list of reasons you need a break (while you should be working on your GIS lab and printing off notes for the class that starts in an hour and a half) and you realize that you forgot to put on a shirt. Damn.

8. Grocery shopping becomes a luxury instead of a necessity.

9. You wake up to your alarm clock beeping, and your fuzzy mind decides it doesn’t want to hit the button, just in case it erases the horribly long equation you accidentally deleted three times already the night before… when in fact you entered the equation into an excel spreadsheet, and NOT into your alarm clock.

10. You take the time to write a list about how you need a break, laugh hysterically because you think you’re so witty (when, in fact, it’s not all that funny…), and then cry a little because it’s all true.

Playing Catch-up

2008-11-11T13:56:00.007-05:00

Alright folks, just a few house-keeping type tidbits that I've been meaning to post but just haven't had the chance to (however right now I'm sitting in the library, waiting for a royalty-free music file to download so I can finish working on my video for the communications department, so I figured it would be a good time). Here goes:

1. I have a new blog. Yes, you heard me right... I'm now getting paid to blog for the Nicholas School (the environmental school at Duke) to attract prospective students. If you really feel like you just can't get enough of me, and want to read my somewhat propaganda-ish attempts to attract new students, you can find it here . As always, comments are welcome... however, since it's a school-based blog, and it's meant for incoming students, please keep any personal comments confined to this site! (I want to keep that one relatively professional)

2. I've decided to give the Flickr thing another try... (originally I wasn't fond of the monthly upload limit, so I didn't bother adding any photos). I've just got random stuff up right now, but I'll try to post any of my new/exciting pictures there for folks to see, since many of you probably have accounts (or at least a lot of the family does, as far as I know). Find me here! (And friend me, too... so far I only have one friend, and that makes me le sad.)

3. I'm hoping to make it home Dec. 10th or so, and will be sticking around the Ottawa area until Jan. 5th or 6th I think, so hopefully I'll get to see a lot of you fine people (or at least those who are still in the area...) Give me a shout and we'll set something up!

4. My recent mind-blowing realization: In the past 3 weeks, I have seen the sun set over the Pacific ocean, and over the Atlantic ocean. I've decided to provide some evidence, firstly because I barely believe it myself, and secondly because it's just plain purty.

Pacific Sunset:

Atlantic Sunsets:

Compare and Contrast.

That's all for now!

Pictures - Round 1

2008-11-03T22:15:00.008-05:00

Alright, I was going to post my photos to Flickr to share with everyone, but as it turns out they have a monthly limit on how much you can upload.... and I have too many pictures. So, for your viewing pleasure, I'm including links to my already-posted Facebook albums (and don't worry, you don't need facebook to actually see these. Or so it tells me.)

California Album 1

California Album 2

California Album 3

California Academy of Sciences (yes, it gets its own album)

And, just for kicks, check out when I went to the North Carolina State Fair

Finally Presenting...California! (The Lazy Girl's Solution)

2008-11-03T21:40:00.011-05:00

Alright, I've been back from California for a couple of weeks now, and haven't bothered posting about my adventures. Forgive me, kind readers, I was far too busy trying to catch up with all my work. And with only 3 weeks or so left of classes, I'm going to remain busy pretty much until the end. So, not being one to break a promise, I decided to post one long/long overdue synopsis of the trip. However I'm also not one who will do extra work when she doesn't have to... which means you are getting the "field journal" version of things, which I had to hand in to my prof. Basically the trip was a huge roadtrip from L.A. to San Francisco, and these excerpts represent some key stops along the way. This post will be long, so feel free to stop reading at any point. You can always come back and read at your leisure! (Deep breath...) here goes!

Impressions of Los Angeles
Nothing could have prepared me for the endless expanse of concrete called L.A. Flying in from St. Louis, all I could do was stare in wonder at urban sprawl at its worst. After today’s tour of the city, the one thing that struck me was the lack of anything natural. The “nature” part of L.A. seems to have been long-since paved over, replaced with swaths of concrete, fake rivers and industrialized or commercialized areas. Even the parts of L.A. that were meant to showcase its natural beauty were either constructed, or were choc-full of introduced or invasive species. The palm trees lining the streets, they symbol of L.A. itself? Non-native. The eucalyptus trees found throughout the park? Introduced. The ice plant and grasses covering the newly-restored wetland? Invasive.

Everywhere you look, pieces of other countries and other cultures are melted together to form the body of L.A. Don’t get me wrong, L.A. in its entirety is an impressive and strangely beautiful place. But for me, coming from a country that has more empty space than full, and where the cities devote large areas to “green space”, it’s just a different kind of beauty.
The other thing that struck me is how the downtowns of any big cities look so similar. The downtown core of L.A. could have been Toronto, minus the C.N. Tower, plus a few palm trees, and substituting Lake Ontario with the Pacific. It almost made me feel a little homesick. The thing that will stick with me the most, however, is the L.A. river. Hardly even a river, in the traditional sense… more of a completely paved canal. Even the more natural areas had paved banks.

In areas, however, the pavement was completely overgrown with both native and invasive vegetation, giving a whole new meeting to the term “concrete jungle”. Ducks and other shore birds gathered here, however, confirming that life will adapt to its surroundings.

Walking on the concrete river bed was a cultural experience all on its own, and it was impressive to look around at all the graffiti and discarded debris, and to look up at the railways, highways and overpasses and realize how many people walked those channels before us, and how many are bound to walk there in the future.

The whole day was one long, exhausting, eye-opening and intensely interesting experience, and I hope that someday I’ll be able to spend more time learning about the natural history of L.A. and seeing what the city has to offer besides palm trees, concrete and celebrity homes.

Impressions of Catalina
After L.A., Catalina was almost a shock with its seemingly pure nature and clear, unpaved waters. The landscape dominated by scrubby bushes and cacti was not at all what I was expecting, but lent to the exotic and faraway feel.

Its relatively empty expanse of land almost made a mockery of the hustle and bustle that is L.A., and dinner neighbours included bison and (if you’re lucky, which we weren’t) the somewhat elusive Catalina island fox, instead of noisy people on cell phones.
Snorkeling in the waters surrounding Catalina was a surreal experience in itself. After spending my life swimming in freshwater lakes or the North Atlantic, the colourful and diverse darting fish were a euphoria for the eyes. The bright orange girabaldis could be seen peeking through the kelp, the small electric rays lay silently buried in the sand, only to dart away when disturbed by the kick of a flipper, and the schooling fish swirled around in circles, catching the light and shooting it back in a million different directions. I hovered above a guitar fish who sat completely still and tried to blend with his surroundings. I watched an octopus the size of my fist walk across the rocks under a sheet of kelp. I slid through schools of small fish who moved like mercury through the water, laughing as they slipped through my fingers.
The wildlife while kayaking offered the same sort of thrill. Looking down through the kelp, the abnormally clear water offered a window through which I could see the same bright-coloured fish I saw while snorkelling. Above me, pelicans, gulls and cormorants glided low, sometimes seeming to skim the waves. A sea lion porpoised alongside our group for a short while, and later a curious seal bobbed between our kayaks, disappearing into the water, only to pop up somewhere else.
Even the purity of Catalina couldn’t be completely untouched, though. We pulled garbage from the waves, ranging from candy wrappers and bits of rope, to an entire bouquet of balloons and an unopened bottle of hand soap (which we later set up in our “kitchen” to take care of our cleansing needs). I guess it just goes to show that even parts of the world that seem relatively unaffected by the world around them can still show evidence of pollution and human negligence.

Rancho Marino
Even though we didn’t spend much time in Rancho Marino, it was a place I’ll never forget. Tidepooling was such a new experience for me there. In the past, most of the tidepools I’ve encountered were in the North Atlantic, so they offered very little in terms of diversity or colour. These tidopools, on the other hand, were a virtual rainbow of organisms, bright orange sea stars, dark green algae and kelp, neon-green anemones, fluorescent nudibranchs, and colour-changing octopi (2 of which I caught!) Being able to watch the otters playing in the waves, the seals bobbing alongside them, and mistaking the giant bull kelp bulbs as both of them was both amusing and distracting. Watching the giant orange globe of the sun sinking into the Pacific was a beautiful end to the day. Watching two pods of dolphins (bottlenose and what I assume were common dolphins) swim by as I drank my morning coffee on a cliff was an even better start to the next one. Rancho Marino is a place that I could be quite happy waking up to on a daily basis…

Hopkins Marine Station
Seeing Hopkins Marine Station makes me wish that I had looked into studying there. Not only is Monterey Bay beautiful, the facilities at Hopkins looked incredible, and the tidepools and wildlife just outside the door offered the perfect place to learn about west coast inter-tidal communities. The seals, sea lions and sea otters were fun to watch as well, as we clambered across algae-covered rocks.

It was also interesting to hear about some of the research going on there. I’ve read a bit about bluefin tunas, but it was really fascinating to learn more about how far they migrate and conservation issues they’re facing. I would have loved to spend more than just a couple hours there, but the short time we stayed was well worth it.

San Francisco – The California Academy of Sciences
I’m kind of at a loss about what to say about the Cal Academy, because I know all my words would fall short. Simply saying that this building is amazing is an understatement. I could try to describe the incredible architecture, but my words would sound flat, and the Academy is anything but. The sheer volume of their collection makes describing any part of it nearly impossible. I’ll just say that it is by far the most incredible museum I’ve ever visited, and getting the chance to see behind the scenes and handle specimens that famous ecologists collected was an experience I’ll never forget. I’m a firm believer in the saying “a picture’s worth a thousand words,” and in this case I’m going to shut up and let my pictures do all the talking.

Looking Back on the Trip
This trip was jam-packed, and exhausting, and the best possible way to see California. I know that if I had gone on my own, I would have never done as much nor seen as much as I did over this past week. Already people are asking me what my favourite part of the trip was, and I’d be hard pressed to pick just one moment or activity. Snorkelling and kayaking were definitely up there. Seeing the octopus “walking” underwater was incredible, especially since the only octopus I’ve ever seen was in a tank. Catching the two baby octopi at Rancho Marino (and not getting bitten!) was insane, and I’ll probably never forget the way their tentacles felt wrapping around my fingers. The Big Sur coast was beautiful, the redwoods were beyond impressive, and the Cal Academy was mind-blowing. I learned more during this one week than I would have spending months in a classroom, and the people we met along the way couldn’t have been better teachers. I loved our time getting to know California, the issues pertaining to the Pacific coast, and each other. I really couldn’t have asked for a better fall break.

***************************************************************************

Phew, that was long. And the writing is not so great... kind of lame, but that's what forced travel journals will do to a girl! So I hope you enjoyed it... more pics and *hopefully* a couple of videos will be coming later (although I haven't actually had a chance to check the videos yet to see how they turned out... however if they worked properly, I've got a stellar one of the sunset at Rancho Marino coming up!)

Anyways, I just want to remind you all that I love comments, (which nobody seems to love posting), and I'm curious to see who's actually reading... leave me a message and let me know who you are, my dear readers!

Tis all for now...

The Untaming of the Shrew

2008-10-23T00:16:00.003-04:00

stubborn adj obstinate, unyielding, adamant, balky, bullheaded, cantankerous, contumacious, cussed, determined, dogged, firm, fixed, hardheaded, headstrong, inexorable, inflexible, insubordinate, intractable, mulish, obdurate, opinionated, ornery, persevering, persistent, pertinacious, perverse, pigheaded, rebellious, recalcitrant, refractory, relentless, rigid, self-willed, set in one’s ways, single-minded, steadfast, stiff-necked, tenacious, tough, unbending, unmanageable, unreasonable, unshakable, untoward, willful

I am a stubborn person.

I’ll be the first to admit that. I don’t give in easily, I stick to my guns when I think I’m right, and it’s very hard to change my mind.

But why is that a bad thing?

My stubbornness is why I am where I am today. It carried me through high school when I could have easily given up. My single-minded goal of escape is what led me out of my small town. My adamant kindergarten statement that I was going to grow up to be a writer is what led me to journalism school. My determination to chase my dreams led me to Boston, then to Gloucester. My pigheaded denial of homesickness is what kept me there. My inability to give up is ultimately what landed me here, in Durham North Carolina.

Journalism taught me that being stubborn is ok. They pushed me to be persistent, to be stead-fast, and stiff-necked and persevering. They encouraged me to embrace my ingrained stubbornness, and to use it to my advantage. In the eyes of professionals, stubbornness is a good thing.

So why, then, do the negative connotations completely outweigh the positive? Why, when I point out that I’m stubborn, do people immediately jump to the conclusion that I am bull-headed, cantankerous, rebellious, unreasonable, mulish, willful, unmanageable and inflexible? Why am I not tenacious, firm or steadfast? Why shrewish? Why not tough?

I’ve come to embrace my stubborn nature as an asset, not a downfall. I come from a family of strong women and strong role-models. We support each other, we encourage each other to never give up, and we butt heads regularly. But we believe in ourselves, and we persist.

And that, my friends, is a good thing.

I Left My Heart in San Francisco...

2008-10-20T12:50:00.002-04:00

Yes, I'm back from California. Back from the wild wild west, a state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness (mad thanks to Tupac for the lyrics). I've only been back home for about an hour... I had a red-eye from San Francisco to Chicago to Durham, and airplane sleep isn't very satisfying. I'm exhausted, my eyes are burning, and every single thing in my suitcase smells like wood smoke and feet. But it was an AMAZING trip. I saw dolphins and seals and otters and sea lions, played in crazy tidepools, took about 600 pictures (which I now have to sort through and photoshop to get rid of a spot that shows up in every single picture... I have to figure out how to clean the mirrors in my camera), and was dubbed with the nickname "The Octopus Queen". For now, that's all the little teasers I'm going to give you... I'll update sometime within the next week or 2 with an overview of the trip, and in the meantime I have a few things that I wrote along the way that I may or may not post. But for now, I'm going to go shower, do some laundry, grab a nap, and try and convince myself to go get groceries, because I have literally no food in the house. Just wanted to say hello and let everyone know I'm still alive and kicking... hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-10-10T17:44:00.002-04:00

Hey all! I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone back home a HAPPY THANKSGIVING and a wonderful holiday weekend :)

I would love to be at home celebrating with my family and friends, but alas I am leaving on a week-long trip to California bright and early tomorrow morning! Won't be updating for a couple weeks probably, but look forward to some good West Coast stories.

Catch y'all on the flip-side!

Letters to Strangers

2008-10-05T22:01:00.004-04:00

Dear Neighbours with the Suped up Civic,

I understand that you like your low-riding car with the lovely racing stripes and oversized spoiler. I know how much your tricked out speaker system makes your friends drool, and how it makes the hunnies go "mmmm..." I know how you and your friends like to sit on the sidewalk and stare moodily at your neighbours as they walk by. But it's really not necessary to jack up the volume and blast bad music for hours while you and your friends chill outside. That's no way to make friends. Maybe you could turn down the bass a bit, so I don't get those eerie Jurassic Park-esque ripples in my water glass? Or at least occasionally play some decent music so your neighbours can appreciate it as well.

Regards,
Neighbour with a Headache

*************************************************************************************

Dear Drive-by Honkers,

I don't know if you know me or not, but I suspect I don't know you. I don't understand why you feel the need to honk at me as I'm walking to class. Is it to see me jump? If so, you've succeeded. You scare the crap out of me every single time. Maybe you're among the the multitudes of creepy guys in the area who cat-call as I'm walking by, or yell "sexy" out their car windows. If so, I urge you to stop. I'm flattered that you feel that way, but yelling or honking or cat-calling me from a moving vehicle as I'm just starting my morning is both embarrassing and uncalled for. If you think I'm pretty, please make an effort to get to know me rather than making me feel like a piece of meat.

Thank you for your time,
More Than Just A Piece of Ace

*************************************************************************************

Dear Territorial Fire Ants,

I'm very sorry I stepped on your home and caused some structural damage. It was very rude of me to invade uninvitedly. However, I feel it was unnecessary for you to swarm and bite every inch of my feet and ankles repeatedly. I apologize for any unnecessary stress I may have caused, but couldn't you have just given me a friendly warning nip? I would have immediately retreated. Instead, your bites have given me an unsightly skin condition somewhat resembling leprosy, which stings to touch and is going to make wearing shoes highly uncomfortable. Next time I promise to watch where I'm stepping, and look forward to a friendlier warning.

Sincerely,
A Very Sore "Villain"

The Growing Season

2008-10-05T12:19:00.001-04:00

It’s a strange feeling, growing up.

Or maybe “growing up” isn’t even the right term. I don’t feel older, I don’t feel grown, I’m still as down as I used to be. Maybe the right term is “moving on.” Or “moving forward.” Or even just “growing past.”

Better yet, “Growing Despite.”

There are things that have happened in the past that have shaped who I am at this very moment. Things I thought I’d never get over. Thinks I didn’t WANT to get over. Things I should have gotten over sooner. But somehow it always seemed easier to hold onto the pain, and grip tightly to the guilt. Yes, it hurt. It hurt then, it hurt later… I was sure it would hurt forever. There have been lots of these moments in my life. I hate to admit it, but I’m a dweller. I hold on to things far beyond the length of time that is healthy. I don’t hold grudges, but I also don’t forget. I don’t like that I do that. I don’t agree with it.

But I just can’t help it. Just like I can’t help the fact that I’m a sucker for punishment, and seem to get some sick pleasure out of banging my head against brick walls. (Which, according to Jackie, will dent my head and make me less than perfect, which would mean that she couldn’t be my friend anymore… So obviously, something I need to avoid.)

What I HAVE noticed, though, is that even when I think these hangover feelings will surely last until the day I kick the bucket, there comes a day when I just don’t feel them anymore. This day seems to sneak up on me. The feelings abate gradually, a little more each day, until one day I realize that the old hurts just don’t hurt anymore. And haven’t for awhile. This day is always a great one for me, because I know that I’m finally moving on. And growing.

Growing, despite the hurts and the trials. Not getting bigger, not getting older, not maturing…

Just Growing. Despite.

Sleepy, but not Tired... I apologize for the disjointedness

2008-10-02T23:04:00.002-04:00

So I don't really know what to write about this time around.... I'm just not quite ready for bed and don't really have anything else to do this late at night. Plus, I feel like the last post was a little too serious for my tastes. Serious is fine, don't get me wrong... but it has its time and place. And now is not such a serious time.

Things this week have been busy. I've been trying to finish off the things I have to get done before I head to California over fall break (which is coming up a week from Saturday... *panic!* **but in a good way**). I had a killer economics assignment to get done (which trust me, nearly killed me), I had an exam in another class on Tuesday, and I had a prof discuss my final research paper with me... I'll be writing about military sonar use in the oceans and how it effects marine life, comparing occurrences, Supreme Court trials and resulting legislation (if any) in both the U.S. AND Canada. Something I'm really interested in, but it means I'm literally doing twice the research for it. And it has to be done by a week from tomorrow if I want him to read my first draft. (GAH!)

Also, I had planned on having a fairly chill weekend, devoted to coastal law readings and research, and possibly even the occasional social event. However today I was informed by my editor at the magazine that there's a Farmhand event Saturday (where a bunch of students get together and spend a day working on a local farm for free) that they need me to take pictures for. And they literally can't get anyone else. So now I have to go to campus early tomorrow morning to finish off my GIS lab, go to a mandatory seminar from 11-1, then cram in everything I was planning on doing Saturday into Friday afternoon, so I can spend Saturday getting down n' dirty with my camera. (I know, I know... that sounds so wrong. But I'm tired. So sue me. My law prof would argue that it would help me learn the legal system better).

BUT, on the bright side, I can finally justify getting all the fun camera-related stuff that I haven't been able to justify until now :) I'm now planning on taking my good camera to California with me (since I'm supposed to be photo-stalking one of my classmates for the magazine... part of an assignment. Don't ask.), so I've decided I'm finally going to invest in the Camera Armor I've wanted for a while, since it's the kind of trip where my camera will probably need a little extra protection against the elements. Also, I'm getting a good camera hiking backpack, because I need something that can hold my camera AND all the crap I need to carry around on daytrips so I'm not juggling 2 bags. I've found a great camera store that seems to have really decent prices, so I'm tres excited :)

On the social front, things are definitely looking up. It always takes me a while to get adjusted to a new place, and this time was no exception. In fact, it seemed to take me a lot longer this time around, which I wasn't expecting at all. But last weekend I managed to squeeze in a shopping date with my roomie, a great Vietnemese dinner followed by a campfire in Duke Forest with a couple of new friends, and a Rosh Hashanah dinner party. And this week I realized that I literally can't walk more than 10 feet on campus without running into somebody I know and having to stop and chat for at least 5 minutes. After a month of having nobody talk to me in the hallways, it's a pretty big change. And it's nice... except for when I have 3 hours to proof the upcoming issue of the magazine and people are stopping by every few minutes to chat or ask questions about classes. THEN it gets a bit annoying. But I love it anyways! I've realized it's definitely a lot harder to make friends in grad school than it was in undergrad. We're all living off-campus, we all have our established friends back home, and many of my classmates are married or are in serious long-distance relationships and are caught up in that. When I first got here, I thought everybody was just really immature and clique-ish. I realized in the last few weeks, however, that this wasn't the case. As it turns out, other people are just as timid as I am when it comes to establishing new relationships. And now that I've recognized that, it's a lot easier to accept their timid advances as exactly that, and not as some pity-conversation. So the moral of the story is, I'm meeting new people. I'm finally getting to know these people outside of classes. And I'm finally feeling more at home here.

And the kicker? The weather is beautiful and my hair has stopped rebelling for the most part.

Yes, everything comes back to the hair :P

Shana Tova

2008-09-28T21:27:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the Jewish holiday Rosh Hashana. Being Roman Catholic, this holiday is one that in the past I just glazed over, another one of those holidays that a handful of my acquaintances knew about, and even less observed. Up until tonight, I didn't really know what the holiday was about or why it was significant. This year, however, a new friend invited myself and a bunch of other first-years to her house to have a "traditional" Rosh Hashana dinner. I use the term "traditional" lightly, because while we had the challah, and the honey and apples, and the pomegranate, and the fish, and a few prayers were said, there were only two Jewish people in attendance, and the night became more about socializing and conversation than religious observations.

For those of you who don't know (a group I would have counted myself in until tonight, sadly), Rosh Hashana is the Jewish celebration of a new year. It marks a time when people look back on the past year, at what they've done right and what they've accomplished, but especially to acknowledge the bad choices they've made and to make amends.

While we sat around the table, laughing and talking and learning, I started thinking about my own year gone by.

This time last year, I was working at the Whale Center and having the time of my life. I was happy, healthy, and doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. By Christmas I was back in Ontario, struggling to figure out what comes next. In the past year I've made new friends, I've gone on dates (some good, some bad, some which I didn't even know were "dates"). I've been stressed out, unhappy, ecstatic, devestated, and stubborn. I've lost loved ones to death and to distance, and I've rekindled old friendships. I've seen new life forming, I've listened to unborn heartbeats and seen the joy on a new mother's face, I've become an Aunt. I've made life-altering decisions, life-altering mistakes, and pretty much just altered my life altogether. I've had moments of pure clarity, and extended periods of feeling like I had no control over my future. I've realized how many people actually care about me, and am learning to let go of the ones who don't.

I know I've made some bad choices in the past year. I've hurt people, I've been hurt, and in some ways I ended up hurting myself. I've done things I'm not especially proud of, things that make me cringe when I think about them... things I will not discuss on this blog (sorry!). But, as the Torah says, Rosh Hashanah is a time to make amends. And although I'm not Jewish, and still haven't really grasped the true meaning of the holiday, making amends seems like the right thing to do.

So, to all the people I've hurt over the last year, intentionally or unintentionally, I truly am sorry. To those who have borne the brunt of my mis-directed wrath, or had to suffer through my anger and frustration over something that had nothing to do with them, I apologize. I realize that the people I've hurt the most probably don't even read this blog, but in the off chance that they do I hope they understand that I never meant to injure, and most of what I was going through were my own issues (which, with everything that's gone on over the last year, have been plentiful.... but I won't make excuses). I have a tendency to push people away when I need them the most, so to all those I pushed over the past year, I hope you can forgive me.

And with that, I say "shana tova," and wish you all a "happy and sweet new year."

Long Update, Long Overdue

2008-09-23T21:56:00.003-04:00

Ok, ok... I know I've been in some sort of blogging black hole lately. I apologize to those of you who have been on the edge of your seats, checking daily for my coveted posts. Turns out, grad school is a busy place! So, since I really haven't seemed to write about anything except the weather and how it effects my hair, I'm going to give you a down-and-dirty summary of exactly what's been going on.

It's about a month into classes now, and I'm finally starting to get into the swing of things. As it stands, my schedule is as follows:
Monday:
8:30-9:45 - Fundamentals of Geospatial Analysis (GIS training, for those who were as confused by the title as I was)
11:40-12:55 - GIS Lab
1:15-4:00 - Ocean and Coastal Law and Policy (not as interesting as it sounds, so far... but this week we leave the coastal law and start looking at ocean law, including marine mammal protection act, endangered species act, etc. So I have high hopes!)

Tuesday:
10:05-11:20 - Resource and Environmental Economics. Yup, boring.
11:30-4:00 - usually this is when I work at the magazine for my assistantship (yes, I got it!!). It's good, but a lot of times I don't have enough to do... even though I'm currently working on 3 stories and 2 photo projects. It's a lot of waiting for people to get back to me... I forgot that's what journalism was like)
4:25-5:40 - Physical Coastal Processes, by far my favourite course. Interesting content, and the prof is ridiculously fun!

Wednesday: Repeat of Monday, minus the law class. Usually some grocery shopping and cleaning thrown in for good measure (when I'm not frantically working to try and finish off my GIS lab so I don't have to go back on the weekend)

Thursday: An exact replica of Tuesday, but I get the satisfaction of knowing that when the long day is over, I have the next 3 days off :)

Also this term over fall break I'm going to California on an amazing, whirl-wind tour of the coast with a "Marine Ecology of the Pacific" class. Yes, I'm going to California for fall break, and I get 2 credits for it. It's like Nerds Gone Wild. Grad school ROCKS!

My magazine assistantship is going really well so far. I remember after my first staff meeting texting to one of my friends that the most "at home" I had felt since I got here was sitting in the board room with my colleagues in the communications office. In one way, that was a little sad when I thought about it, because it made me realize that I really hadn't bonded with any of my fellow students yet. But in another way it kind of reminded me why I loved journalism in the first place, so I got over it pretty quickly. They're definitely starting me off easy, which I kind of understand. It's just a little frustrating when they give me "2 or 3 weeks" to write a short press release, when in journalism school I was taught to crank one out in about an hour. I did manage to get them to assign me a couple of other stories this week though, so I'm moving up... I may even be getting paid to blog soon! (Nothing final, but I'll keep you posted!)

Two weekends ago was the coastal student's visitation weekend/triathalon weekend in Beaufort at the marine lab where I'll be living next year. I drove the four hours to campus with two other girls from my program, and we arrived at 1:00 on Friday. When we got there, we were introduced to the professors and staff, and then met with our advisors. My advisors are AMAZING. They're both Canadian (the first I've come across so far!), they do marine mammal stuff, and my real advisor (Dave Johnston... but we work in Andy Read's lab as well, so he's kind of my pseudo-advisor) is new to staff, so I'm the only student he's advising next year. And he's super-stoked about it, which makes me even more excited to work with him. After the lab meeting, he actually took me on a quick tour of campus, then later that day brought his wife and 11-month-old daughter down to campus to meet me. I was then promptly invited to visit their home whenever I wanted, and told that any big Canadian holiday I was expected to go down to Beaufort and celebrate with them. Johnstons, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship :) Dave and Andy are also looking into finding me an internship in Canada over the summer, or one in the States that I can get paid for despite not having a work visa. Yeah, I think I'm going to like it there.

After the lab meeting, the weekend became more social. First up was a scavenger hunt (which my group didn't win, but got honourable mention and a Nicholas School nalgene bottle for picking up the most garbage), then a barbecue (with free beer, of course), then off to my "mentor's" house where I was staying with him, his roommate, his roommate's girlfriend, and another friend that came down for the triathalon that weekend. A few more of their friends came over, and we just spent the rest of the night hanging out and chatting. The next day was the triathalon (which I watched, obviously... do I look like a triathlete to anybody?? Didn't think so.) followed by another barbecue and more beer (which I passed on in lieu of water... it was H-O-T, and I was dehydrated already). Then.... BEACH! I ended up randomly joining a group of second-year people that I didn't know, and we all met up at their house to get ready then headed to the beach. Which was GORGEOUS. It was sunny, hot (but now with a nice breeze), the waves were big, and the water was bath-tub warm. We played in the ocean and lounged on the beach for a few hours, before heading back to the house and getting rinsed off. We met up with a few other people and went out for dinner, then headed out to my mentor's house for a kegger that he and his roommate were throwing. By this point most of the other first-years had already left, but I managed to find a few people I recognized. I was supposed to be staying with my mentor again that night, but by 1:00 I was wiped, and the party showed no sign of winding down, so I invited myself to my new friends' house to crash on their floor. (Luckily they said yes, so I didn't have to sleep in my car). The next morning I got up early, snuck out of the house (so as to not wake the other slumbering guests) and went to a coffee shop to grab breakfast. I ate it down by the harbour, looking out into the sound at the wild horses on the other island, and looking for the dolphins that I've been told can sometimes be seen. And I realized that I COULD NOT WAIT to move down there. Sadly, though, I immediately had to go and pick up the girls (plus one more) and start the long drive back to Durham. Next year, Beaufort... next year.

As a lot of you probably know, I am a brand-new aunt as of September 10th. Yes, I am now (and forevermore) Fun Aunt Robyn. And, being the Fun Aunt that I am, I decided to fly home last weekend to meet my new little Nephew. He is CUTE. I'm not just talking cute, or even Cute, he's CUTE. Adorably so, in fact. I got to spend last Friday and Saturday getting to know him, and watching Mommy and Daddy figuring stuff out (like how it's not the best idea to change a diaper on a leather couch... :P ). Being home was great. It was a much-needed break from the still somewhat-uncomfortable social situations, and I could just be my ridiculous self for awhile. (I'm still "censoring the crazy" a bit... just until people get to know me a little better. No need to scare them off yet!) I could have used an extra day or two, but overall 3 days isn't bad. Plus, Christmas isn't so far away!

Coming back was a bit of an ordeal... not just because my flight from Washington to Durham was delayed by TWO HOURS and I didn't get back home until 1:00 a.m.... but because I really didn't know how I was going to face going back to class. Yes, one month in and I'm already at that point. But a strange thing happened yesterday: I realized how many people I can actually talk to in the halls now. And I made plans to hang out with a few people later this week. And I realized that I'm actually settling in here, which is a nice feeling.

Anyways, I've written about a novel-and-a-half so I'm going to quit with the updating for tonight... I'm sure there's lots of stuff I left out, and I'm sure this wasn't the most interesting post to read, but I started this blog to let people know what's going on in my life. It's not always up-to-date, it's not always interesting... but hey, it's grad school! What were you expecting?

Robyn: 1. Frizz: ... um.... I've lost count.

2008-09-01T19:48:00.002-04:00

I think I may have finally discovered the secret to relatively frizz-free hair, even in 80-100% humidity!

It calls for a recipe of anti-frizz shampoo, followed by anti-frizz conditioner, followed by biolage smoothing serum, followed by a quick blow dry and some serious straightening, topped up with a misting of light hair wax.

For my next act, I will attempt to use all these products without looking like a huge grease-ball. Stay tuned!

Someone up there must be reeeeeaaalllllyyy enjoying this...

2008-08-27T22:31:00.004-04:00

How is it that it rained most of the summer when I was at home, and was so dry here that they had burn restrictions? How is it that before I got to North Carolina, they hadn't had any sort of rain in over 4 weeks, yet the second day I was here (and at least 4 times since then) it poured? How is it that It has been CASCADING RAIN for the last 3 days, and will be storming for at LEAST the next 5 (and possibly more, but that's all the weather network shows me) due to hurricane Gustave, leaving me to walk 15 minutes to and from class every day in thunder storms and torrential downpours because I didn't get a parking pass and there are only 6 parking meters on campus, which are ALWAYS BEING USED??? They even had tornado warnings out this afternoon! Now THAT's a little excessive, don't you think?

Not fair.

Not Quite Home, But No Longer Just Visiting

2008-08-25T17:40:00.005-04:00

Today was the first time since I got here that things just felt right.

Up until this point I had been seriously wondering what exactly I was doing here, far from my family, friends and everything familiar, working towards a goal that is only a close cousin to what I always said I'd be doing.

Everything I've done in my life up to this point just felt right. I decided on Carleton and journalism as opposed to my original goal of East Coast and marine biology, and spent four glorious years basking in a feeling of purpose and belonging. I didn't get into grad school last year, but packed up and went to Boston and, scary as it was, I knew that's what I should be doing. But when I got here I kind of hit a brick wall. Suddenly my future felt a little less clear and I seriously wondered if this was the right path for me. I got hung up on the small things, the deficiencies of the program, the fact that it's not actually biology, and without looking at the big picture it all just felt so incredibly wrong. I didn't want to admit this at first, since it's costing a small fortune for me to have this opportunity and, lets face it, at this point Duke is my only real option. But now I feel ok saying it, because it's no longer true.

Today was the first day of classes, a day which I've been dreading for months. Back to lectures, back to labs, back to trying not to fall asleep while a dimly-lit professor drones from the front of the room. And it didn't help that my first class was an 8:30 "Fundamentals of Geospatial Analysis" lecture. So at 6 a.m. I dragged myself out of bed, showered, ate breakfast, and got myself ready for class. Sitting in the lecture hall, cursing my decision not to bring coffee, I continued to wonder what I was doing in North Carolina.

Until the lecture started.

The first thing to show up on the lecture screen was the thing that justified this entire life choice for me. What professor Halpin chose to share with us as the introduction to why we should take his course was a video of him tagging whales on Stellwagen Bank off the coast of Boston. My whales. With friends that I worked with at the Whale Center last fall. Upon seeing the 30 seconds of footage, all my doubts and "what if"s and wonderings faded, and everything else just seemed to settle. No, maybe I don't want the policy classes and the 14 readings per week they require. Maybe the economics classes will drive me insane. Maybe it's not marine biology. But I WILL get there.

This feeling was only magnified when I went to an interview for a communications assistantship working for Duke's environmental magazine. Sitting in the office chatting with the editor about possible writing, photography, video and blogging opportunities, I became more excited about journalism that I have been in a long time. I promised myself that when I came to Duke I would get involved with the newspaper, join a photography club, and not let all my journalism training go down the drain. When I realized that Duke doesn't have a photography club (or if it does, it's doing a really good job of hiding), and the paper is only for undergrads, that seemed to be another tick on my list of cons. But getting involved with the magazine would be exactly the thing I need this year, providing the opportunity to work on an actual publication, and possibly even getting paid to blog about my everyday life. It's not a sure thing that I'll get in, but the editor seemed really impressed with me and as far as I know there's only one other person interviewing for the position, so I have high hopes!

After the interview I had a little bit of time before my next class, so I went out to the courtyard and sat myself in my new favourite place to read. As I munched on my cinnamon Special K bar and dug through my bag in search of my book, I let my eyes wander over the lush green grass, the overhanging trees, the little birds hopping around the courtyard and the constant line of tiny ants parading across the cement... and for the first time since I got here I was actually truly happy. No, I haven't made too many friends yet. No, I haven't managed to find my way around anywhere except the LSRC building. No, I haven't started the 14 readings I was supposed to have done for today, and I haven't quite figured out the computer systems, and I still don't have my textbooks. But my "to-do" list will get done, and the rest of it will come with time. And, until then, I can be satisfied knowing that I did make the right choice.

I'm now Orientated.... Oriented....?

2008-08-23T20:25:00.005-04:00

Orientation week is FINALLY over, and boy was it exhausting. We were on campus all day from Monday to Friday, generally starting at 8:30 and finishing around 5-ish. For somebody who has pretty much made her own schedule (which involved staying up late and sleeping in) for the last 8 months, that was A LOT. We had tons of information thrown at us (even more for me because of my "international student" status), we played games, took forest tours (yes, Duke has its very own forest), were forced to socialize, and learned useful things like how to register for classes. So, at the end of the week, here is what I've accomplished:

1. I now know my way around the LSRC building. Yes, only that one building. Luckily that's where most of my classes are.

2. I have located my locker and my mailbox... a good start.

3. I'm registered for all my classes. Well, almost all... I'm actually switching one of my electives, so I still have a few kinks to work out.

4. I've applied for my assistantship positions, and have already interviewed for one. Hopefully I'll have one lined up by the Monday after next.

5. I've remembered that I HATE forced social situations.

6. I've found my new favourite place to read... the LSRC courtyard is surrounded by a low stone wall, and there's this one spot where you can sit and lean against a pillar in the shade, and it's just so comfortable! Plus, there's a good chance you'll be visited by a cute squirrel and a small lizard, so that keeps things interesting.

7. As of 10 minutes ago, I finally set up my voicemail on my cell phone. Now you can leave me a message!

8. I got *almost* all of my forms for payroll, international stuff, etc. filled out. I still need to get my Social Security Number though... so not really done I guess.

9. I ordered my books online! Much easier and cheaper than getting them at the bookstore. Although now I'm going to have to return one of them, since I'm switching one of my classes... oops!

10. I experienced a real southern tradition and went to see a civil war reenactment. Yes, they actually do those. You can find some of my pictures here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2163079&l=0e022&id=90410398

11. I finally got around to taking pictures of my house to show everyone. You can see those pictures here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2162437&l=db99b&id=90410398

Anyways, that's all I can think of for now... I'm not feeling too inspired this evening, so sorry about the boring post. I'll update again after I start classes.

Random Thought...

2008-08-20T17:48:00.001-04:00

I've come to realize that the word "trudging" describes about 85% of my life right now.

That is all.

Welcome to Hades

2008-08-20T15:41:00.005-04:00

"Man, it's so hot out! I'm already sweating..."
"My dad says ladies don't sweat, they 'perspire.'"
"Actually, ladies don't 'perspire', they 'glisten.' And I don't know about you, but I'm glistening like a pig."

It's conversations like these that make me realize I'm not (and will probably never be) a southern girl. Sure I've only been here a week and a half, and I have to give myself some sort of adjustment period... but I'm Canadian! And a winter-born at that. Give me breezy summer days in the high 20s, cool August nights, crisp October sunshine... strap some ice skates to my feet a couple times a year and I'm good to go.

Not that anyone down here has ever used ice skates.

Here the average temperatures hover in the 90s (the 30s for those of you thinking in celsius), with the humidity pushing the "feels like" temperature up to 10 degrees (C) higher. The air is so thick that even breathing is a challenge, and you can actually feel the breaths trickling down your throat and condensing, but never quenching that always-present voracious thirst. You can SEE the air in Durham. The pure density of it shows up as a hazy blur that makes you rub your eyes and reach for the eye drops, sure that it's only you who notices the film. People here walk around in a cloud of perfume and cologne, either applied to mask potential embarrassing odours, or simply diffused by the sheer amount of heat their bodies are absorbing. If a slight breeze picks up, they stop what they're doing and turn to face the wind, sounding an involuntary sigh of contentment, which is generally followed by an audible communal groan when the air stills and settles once more. People keep their distance here, as any sort of human contact results in buckets of sweat and is nearly intolerable. I have yet to see any clingy couples wandering the streets.

The pavement here looks like it's constantly on the move, with waves of radiant heat rising up into the atmosphere. For eyes unaccustomed to seeing in ripples, this becomes hazardous. Tripping is almost unavoidable. I've done it twice.

Wardrobe planning becomes strategic. I spend my mornings digging through my closet, searching for the one shirt that is light enough that I won't melt on my 15 minute walk to campus, not too low-cut because layering (while always an option) just means more clothing to absorb and trap heat. It has to be the right colour and fabric so that it doesn't show any possibly embarrassing "glisten" marks. Plus there's the constant question of "if I wear these bottoms, is anybody going to notice that I forgot to shave?"

But in the end there's only so much I can do. The walk will be long and hot, regardless of what I'm wearing. The hill leading up to campus, which doesn't seem so big when I'm in a car, will seem a million miles longer when I'm struggling to pull in each and every breath. My sunglasses will begin to fog up about 3 minutes away from my building, and I will begin to feel the sweat popping up on my forehead and scalp like a million pins and needles, thriving under the thick, dark, insulating helmet of hair (which will have frizzed out instantly upon exiting the apartment, despite the gobs of Frizz-ease and hair wax applied in a vain attempt to tame it). Make-up is futile, as by the time I reach my destination it will have all melted off, leaving me red-faced and shiny once more. Scheduling becomes an issue, since every trip to class is preceded by a quick jaunt to the ladies' room to run my wrists under cold water and blot with paper towel, in an attempt to feel more human. My water bottle won't stay full for long. And upon entering the air conditioned building I'll immediately get the shivers from the sheer shock of the cold air on my skin.

But with the bad comes the good. The longer growing season means all the flowering trees and plants are still in bloom, filling my walk with vivid oranges and pinks. The decaying pine needles let off a pleasant, familiar odour, made stronger by the warmth of the air. Sweet peas wind their way through the chain-link fences that line the sidewalk, their colourful flowers and enticing fruits just daring me to pick them. Trees become even more beautiful for the shade they provide, and the thick, springy grass becomes an oasis for the feet because it holds on to the cooler night air longer than the rest. And, there is nothing quite as satisfying as a tall drink of cold water.

It's days like these that I miss being on the ocean, where long sleeves are a necessity even in the summer heat.

It's days like these that make me stop dreaming of success, and start dreaming about air conditioning.

... And it's a good thing, too!

2008-08-16T13:34:00.003-04:00

Remember my "I don't believe in omens" post? Well, that mantra lately has been what's been keeping me sane. One would have thought that only so much can go wrong in a few days... but that "so much" is so much more than I thought it could possibly be. Now, don't get me wrong, in hindsight all the little glitches along the road were just those: glitches. There was nothing huge and serious, nothing Earth-shattering, but nothing I was really prepared to deal with in the last few days, either. And piled on top of the fact that I'm in a new city, in a different country, and completely out of my element? Yeah, the last few days have been more than a little frustrating.

Let's start with the fact that it took us FOREVER to get through Pennsylvania. No joke. I'm pretty sure Pennsylvania is like the black hole of the U.S. Just when you think you've escaped, it sucks you back in. Point in fact: during our second day of driving, we got stuck on the interstate for AN HOUR, literally not moving. Then, when we finally did get moving, it was only to realize that the entire interstate was closed because of some sort of accident. Yes, they CLOSED the interstate. Which meant a lot of back-roading, driving down roads that I'm not even sure were roads, and somehow ending up in Gettysburg (about 2 farther west than we should have been.... seeing as we were travelling east). Then, when we finally made our way to another interstate, we got stuck in traffic for ANOTHER hour because of construction. So it took us probably about 6 hours on our second driving day to get through a state that we should have left far behind on the first day. Which meant an exhausting day all around, but overall not too bad.

The real problems started the day after that, when I was supposed to be moving in to my new place. The first order of business that day was getting a cell phone, since roaming on my Canadian phone pretty much costs a fortune. Now, I did my homework before leaving. I looked up all the different U.S. phone services I could think of, checked out the service maps to make sure I could get good reception in my area, read suggestions from other Duke students as to which cell companies worked best in what areas, looked at long distance rates, figured out who had the cheapest phone plans that could be combined with Canada calling, and finally decided on Sprint. I even knew what model of phone I wanted, and where their biggest location was in the Durham area. So, having punched the address into my trusty GPS ("Mandy"), we were off to a good start. But, when we finally got to the Sprint store, we had to stand and wait for a clerk who assured us "I'll be with y'all in a minute!" So, we waited. And waited. And waited. And.... you got it!... waited. Finally, about 20 minutes after walking into the store, the clerk wanders over and drawls "what can I help y'all with?" (yes, I'm truly in the south!). So, I tell her exactly what phone plan, long distance plan, and cell model I need, feeling sufficiently organized. However, my organization really didn't seem to matter, seeing as the clerk informed me that none of their phones in the store supported long-distance calling or roaming, and if I wanted that I would have to buy the newest Blackberry (the "Curve" I believe?), which would have interchangeable SIM cards. And to my "but... but... the Internet told me!" argument, she replied that the phones and plans I saw on the Internet were only available if I ordered online (which wasn't posted with the plans, so how would I know that?). But since I really don't have the time to wait for my phone to be ordered, and shipped, and (with my luck) probably lost somewhere along the way, I had to sadly decline.

So, next stop was Verizon Wireless, where the clerks were nice and attentive, but the phone plans were horrendously expensive. So, U.S. cell companies: 2. Robyn: 0.

So back to the car to search for another phone company. The boiling hot, full-to-the-brim, fogged-up-with-humidity car. The car which WOULD NOT START. The car which had been serviced THREE DAYS EARLIER, and had a full system check, and that I had to pay a ridiculous, heart-stopping amount of money to replace the worn-out brakes for. Yup, THAT car. So I'm sitting in the parking lot, with no idea who to call or what to do. Luckily I remembered that when I had my car in at Campbell Ford 3 days earlier I had asked about dealerships in Durham, just in case anything like this were to happen, and they had nicely stapled a list of 4 or 5 in the area. So, I picked a random dealership off the list and started dialing. They told me to call another dealership. So I called the other dealership... they told me to call U.S. Roadside Assistance. So I called them, went through all the automated steps, stayed on hold for 10 minutes (melting, by the way, and all this on my Canadian cell... I REALLY don't want to see my phone bill...), and they told me to call Canadian Roadside Assistance, since my vehicle was Canadian. So I called THEM, and they told me they'd call AAA and call back to let me know when a tow-truck was coming. They never called back. So I was STILL sitting in the boiling hot car, in the Verizon parking lot, with the hood up (although I had no idea what I was looking at anyways), waiting for some kind soul to take pity and help me out. Luckily the same Verizon clerk I had been dealing with earlier noticed my pathetic situation and offered me a boost, which meant I could drive to the closest Ford dealership myself and hopefully get my car looked at. I finally got Chazz to the dealership down the street, where after half an hour of waiting they informed me that the battery had died (duh) and they could replace it within 5 minutes. So, one battery and an unexpected car bill later, I was back on the road and heading to my new apartment.

Quick happy interlude: the townhouse I'm living in is small, but GORGEOUS. My roommate is really nice and I think we'll get along fine, and my room is pretty great. I have my own bathroom, and the closet is HUGE (which is good, because there's no dresser to put my clothes in. And I have A LOT of clothes.) So the rest of the day was spent unloading my car, bringing my stuff up to my room, trying to unpack, realizing I had a lot of stuff I needed to buy (ie: hangers) before I could actually unpack, then driving to a Super Target to pick up a bunch of stuff.

Right beside the Super Target was an AT&T store, and although I said that I would never sign on with AT&T again (I had some issues when I was with them in Boston), my roommate said that they were pretty good in this area and they were pretty much my only other option, so I decided to check it out. The whole process of finding a phone and plan was pretty easy actually. I had figured out what I wanted about 5 minutes after walking through the door. But the problems came when I was actually trying to create my account. Since I'm Canadian, and don't have a Social Security Number, they REALLY didn't want to give me a phone. Not even when I had already had a phone with the company, 8 months earlier. Not even when they found my existing account on file, and saw that I had already built up a decent credit rating with them. No, since I didn't have an SSN, they wanted a $500 deposit, which I would get back after a year. But, even after I agreed to pay the $500 (not happily, but I really do need a phone), they somehow couldn't sign me up, because I was missing an SSN and the generic SSN they use for people in my situation wasn't working. So it was literally an hour before they could get me all set up, but I DID get a phone in the end (with the deposit bumped down to $100, since they decided my credit rating from my last AT&T phone was good enough), although they informed me that I would have to call customer service to add on the $3.99/month Canada Calling feature because for some reason they couldn't do it in the store. No problem, right? WRONG. Once again, because I don't have an SSN, to get this $3.99/month feature added to my plan, I would either have to go back to the store, have them fax in a copy of my passport, driver's license and lease agreement (which I really don't want to do... why does AT&T need a copy of my passport??), and then call customer service back again and MAYBE they could set me up. Or, I could wait 3 months and try again. So, as it stands, I don't have the Canada calling plan and it's ridiculously expensive for me to call anybody that I know. (But I have unlimited texting, so that's good!) Overall, tres frustrating.

The next couple days were spent getting to know my roommate, unpacking more, sitting through a stats review, getting lost on campus, sorting out my student card, getting registered with the university as an International student (which I had to try to do twice, because the first time I went they wouldn't let me register because I got lost and was a few minutes late), and just trying to settle in.

Then, Thursday I was supposed to go to an International students orientation, which I decided to skip because I took a look at the schedule and it was all "Learning English U.S. Greetings" and "Name Pronunciation", and I figured I pretty much have that down pat. So instead, Mom and I decided to check out the shopping at this huge mall. But in the mall we got separated, and in trying to call her on my brand-spanking-new phone to see where she was, I realized something: IT DIDN'T WORK. I couldn't dial out, I couldn't text, I couldn't get any calls in... I was lugging around a useless piece of plastic. So, after finding each other, Mom and I drove back across the city to the AT&T store to figure out why they sold me a faulty phone. As it turns out there wasn't anything significantly wrong... they just needed to reset it, and they showed me how to do it in case it happens again. And while I was there I asked about the Canada calling thing and why AT&T were being such assholes about it, and they chatted amongst themselves for a bit and decided that one of the staff members had an in with a guy in the International Calling department, and they'd get it sorted out for me within the next 72 hours and give me a call to let me know what was going on. (They never called... but I'm going to worry about that later).

So, we grabbed some lunch at a nearby restaurant, then headed back into the Super Target to pick up a few things I had forgotten I needed (like a small tool set... a girl can't live without her screwdrivers!). Then back out to the car to head home... the car that once again WOULD NOT START. Chazz has decided he likes leaving me stranded in parking lots, apparently. This time, in the rain. Once again, the battery was dead... but nobody else in the parking lot seemed to have jumper cables to give me a boost (although looking back I'm pretty sure Super Target probably had some I could have bought... damn hindsight.) So, once again I have to call the dealership to let them know that the battery they installed 2 days earlier is dead, and I'm stuck AGAIN. They ended up sending a tow-truck to boost me and follow me to the dealership to make sure I got there ok, then after a half hour of waiting to see what's wrong they inform me that the alternator went, and they somehow missed it 2 days earlier when they did the full diagnostic check. And the part won't be in until Monday (luckily, it's covered under warranty. And I think they're going to reimburse me for the new battery, which I didn't actually need). So now I'm driving a teeny-tiny blue Toyota Corrolla (which the dealership is paying for, thank god) and hoping that picking up my car doesn't interfere with the orientation activities next week. Although ironically when I was waiting at the Ford dealership for said tiny little car, I made friends with an incoming Duke Law student, whose car also left him stranded in a parking lot. So I wasn't the only one!

Anyways, like I said it's been a frustrating first few days... but I've finally finished unpacking and organizing, my car troubles should *hopefully* be done with as of Monday, my phone is somewhat sorted out, and I have all the forms I need to get a Social Security Number (I need one, because I'll be working for the university). So things are getting done and sorted out. And I refuse to let any of this get to me. I'm in the beginning stages of doing what I always said I wanted to do, and that in itself is an amazing thing. And really, dreams are dreams because you have to work for them, right? I'm going to call this "paying my dues" and move on, because in the end it will all be worth it.

And next week, the real work begins!

I Don't Believe in Omens.

2008-08-10T20:47:00.002-04:00

Some people believe in a little thing called "fate" or "destiny". That some greater force is at work, pulling strings and sending us on our paths, hitting us up with a million little "signs" along the way letting us know if we're heading in the right direction, or dissuading us from going farther down a particular road. These are the "Everything Happens For a Reason" people.

Luckily, while I'm a firm believer that everything always works out in the end, this whole idea of "signs" and "omens" is not one I subscribe to. And it's a good thing, too, because if I did then I probably would have gotten a little suspicious when yesterday, every time I tried to pack my car it started pouring. And this morning when, right after saying "Ok, guess it's time to go..." I stepped in a big puddle of some doggy's regurgitated breakfast (barefoot) and had to spend a few minutes being grossed out and cleaning up. And when I tried to drive away with my car running only on the battery and not actually turned on, I would have questioned whether or not leaving was a good idea. Throw in the poor little bird who I hit on the way to Brockville, and the fact that it stormed on and off all the way through Pennsylvania, and I would have been thinking I should have never gotten out of bed.

But, if I really did believe in omens, the point where I would have absolutely turned around and gone home would have been when, just before arriving at the border crossing, I saw another poor little bird lying dead in the middle of the road. A robin. My namesake, smeared across the center line. As if fate were telling me that if I were to continue on, to leave my country and everything I know, I could very well end up like that unfortunate piece of roadkill.

Luckily, I don't believe in omens.

But truthfully, that didn't stop the sneaky claws of fear from digging into me and hanging on, inducing a few moments of sheer panic and silent "what the eff am I doing??" freakouts. But then, some random lyrics popped into my head... some flowy, guitar-laden song whose name and artist escapes me at the moment, but who claims "fear is a friend who's misunderstood". Which, if you think about it, is completely true. While fear may stop some from doing what they want to do, it ultimately just challenges us to be the best and bravest version of ourselves. Without fear, there would be none of the ecstatic and proud feelings of achievement. So, in sticking with the theme of the song, I accepted fear as my friend. And all of a sudden, it wasn't so scary anymore. However, some of my uncertainties still remained, along with some left-over baggage that I probably should have dealt with long ago... but I knew exactly what to do with it.

Since I got my own car (lovingly called "Chazz") back in January, I've had this little mind-trick that I use when things build up and get to be too much. I go for a long drive, during which I think about whatever it may be that's bothering me or holding me back. I picture all these negative thoughts and feelings draining out of my body and filling up the car, until it's all out of me and Chazz is filled to the brim. Then, I open my sun roof and watch them all fly out into the sunshine, flung into the universe to disperse at will. Yes, it's corny. But it works. So, that's exactly what I did. All my uncertainties and fears and "what ifs" got tossed out the window like old garbage (but not really, because I'm now a good little environmental student, and I would never litter...), and I made my way through New York and Pennsylvania a lot lighter than before.

So, a bunch of hours, a few hundred kilometers, a back-road adventure, a few massively amazing gothic-style stone railway bridges and 162 songs later, Mom and I are lying in a hotel room in somewhere Pennsylvania, 7 hours away from my final destination. Tomorrow I'll get into my new city. The day after, I'll move into my new house. The day after that, I'll attend my first review session at my new school. Everything's new again. And while that thought is both exciting and slightly terrifying, I know that this fear is only going to push me to be a better and stronger version of myself. And for this, I can't wait.

An Ode to Coffee

2008-07-25T18:02:00.003-04:00

A large mug filled with liquid energy,
dreamy, steamy goodness, adaptable to any taste,
offering a kick in the pants in the morning,
an incentive to focus in the afternoon,
a nice wind-down in the evenings.
Black gold, at a dollar a cup.
Equally good as a steaming-hot wake-up beverage
or an ice-cold caffeine shot that's been sitting out too long
but still provides a burst of energy during those long homework hours.
It can stunt the growth, but who cares?
I stopped growing years ago.
Rich aromas and richer taste,
A guilty pleasure, a guiltier addiction.
Too much caffeine, leading to ridiculous interpretations of poetry....
Oh Coffee, how I love thee....

Yes, I've had far too much today. Coffee is pretty much the only thing keeping me running these last few months (well, that and Special K cereal with blueberries....mmmmm....). I should really cut back....

Things I need to Remember to Do...

2008-07-13T23:41:00.002-04:00

Ok, you readers really don't need to know my To-Do list, however I'm posting it anyways to remind me of everything I have to do, as well as to provide a little insight as to why I'm so scatter-brained/A.D.D. lately.

1. I have a midterm this week. MUST NOT FORGET. Also, should probably study for it.... eventually.
2. Should probably finish off my Calculus and Microeconomics courses. And book my finals. And figure out how to drop Algebra, because there's no way in hell I'm finishing (slash starting) it before I go.
3. Oooohhhh.... I need to email Victoria (roomie) and let her know when I'm moving down...
4. Figure out when I'm moving down.
5. Get proof that I will some day return to Canada, so they'll let me into the States (seeing as I don't actually need to get a student visa to study in NC... I just have to show some forms and stuff at the border. Wish they would have told me this months ago.)
6. Activate my cards for my American bank account, so that I can actually access my moolah.
7. *REMEMBER TO CALL THE DENTIST*. Very important. Need to get in before I leave, since dental isn't covered in my new medical insurance.
8. *ORDER CONTACT LENSES* Don't want to be blind! (Also anything to do with eyes is not covered in my new insurance)
9. Doctor's appointment coming up? Should look into that... Also, should probably go for bloodwork. Get on it.
10. Need to price/buy a GPS unit, so I don't get lost in the Shallow South. Also need new bed sheets (roomie said she'd supply some, but that freaks me out a bit), new jeans, and some sneakers to replace my dead brown ones. And maybe comfy flip flops. Maybe.
11. *FIGURE OUT CLASSES!!!* Keep forgetting this. Must remember. MUST.
12. Baby shower this weekend... right. That's this weekend. Fun times!
13. PAY TUITION!!! Curses, forgot about that small detail...
14. Mass email my peeps about change of address, new blog, how to keep in touch, etc... Also must remember to send out phone number, when I get one.
15. Look into phone plans in the States. Better to keep cell? Get landline? Both?
16. Get my stuff from Grandad's basement. Figure out what will fit in my truck.
17. Locate my TV and DVD player...not too sure where those ended up in the move 2 years ago.
18. Should probably start thinking about packing... but not yet. Later.
19. Get to bank... those cheques won't cash themselves!
20. Pay a visit to my daycare kids... especially my twins. Remember to thank them for the cards and friendship bracelets, and let them know I miss them.
21. *CLEAN FISH TANK!!!* This week. Tomorrow. Poor Gaston, Sayuri and Prometheus have been swimming in their own filth long enough. Also check filter and replace pads.
22. Come up with more interesting blog postings. Nobody needs to know this stuff but me.
23. Remeber what I'm leaving off my list... because I know there's a bunch...

I Am Slowly Going Crazy (1,2,3,4,5,6, switch)

2008-07-03T15:21:00.005-04:00

The last day or so, it's seemed like everything that had been piling up came crashing down, with me smothered beneath the pile. Truthfully, I don't think anything more was actually added to my plate in this time, but it all seemed to just get to me. Usually I'm pretty good at juggling everything I have to do, but yesterday it was like one of the proverbial balls just slipped off the tip of my fingers, and in trying to catch it I managed to drop everything else. Resulting in the proverbial balls bouncing and rolling their way around the room in every direction, making it impossible for me to focus on any one "ball" to collect.

This all happened post-calculus midterm (which was 3 hours long and really difficult, seeing as they insisted on testing me on stuff that we didn't actually learn, and that wasn't covered in the textbook). I had other appointments and plans in the city, so I got home just before dinner time. Only to find in my inbox another email about my student visa application (the documents that let me get into the States and stay there for school). I had already had some problems with this, when I had to get the bank to fill out a "proof of funding" form and the university sent me the wrong tuition information, so my "proof of funding" form didn't prove that I had enough funds as an international student, and I had to go back to my bank and get another one (all for the sake of less than $1,000). But of course the university didn't tell me the wrong amount had been filled in on the form until about a month and a half after I submitted it, so while I thought I was ahead of the game in that department, it turns out I was actually incredibly behind. Anyways, this newest email informed me that the International Office at Duke never received my proof of funding from my program's department... thoroughly confusing to me, because I had been told over 2 weeks ago that they had received it. So now they can't issue my visa documents until they have that form, and I still have to make an appointment with the U.S. Consulate before I can actually GET my visa, and I'm beginning to think that I'm not going to get it on time. Crap. So, that was the one ball that slipped through my fingers and caused the rest to fall.

After that, I went online to book my microeconomics midterm, and realized that there's a lot more work in the course than I though there was. It turns out there's actually a 30-question quiz after each unit that I have to write and submit, that I didn't know we had to do (because the actual start-date of the course was only yesterday, so the assignments page wasn't up and running until then. And these quizzes weren't listed in the course information I received). So now I'm 5 quizzes behind, because I was "working ahead" and trying to make things easier on myself. Grrrrrr.

Add on top of that, the fact that I have to figure out how to get medical insurance through Duke (something I know nothing about, having never had to apply for medical insurance before), figure out exactly what it covers, if there's any sort of drug plan, and whether or not I should keep the international medical insurance I have now. All very confusing.

Plus, I just got my tuition bill, to be paid by the first day of August. Oh, and my roommate needs to know exactly what day I'll be moving in, so she can plan her work schedule. And I haven't had time to sit down and figure that out yet. My head is spinning.

The kicker? My roommate's allergic to cats. Which means that the little orange kitten that I've been wanting since I was little, and had recently decided I was going to get when I moved to Durham (because really, who doesn't want a sweet, affectionate little orange ball of fluff to love them unconditionally?), is not going to happen.

So I guess Riley (my future orange kitten) is going to have to wait another year, or few years, or whatever....

I guess I'll just put her on the backburner. Kaya (the lab/shepherd mix puppy that I had my heart set on adopting during my undergrad) can keep her company.

So, yeah. Proverbial balls EVERYWHERE. (Balls!)

But today I managed to get a bit more of a handle on things. I emailed both the International Office at Duke and the people at my department who are handling the forms, and it turns out that the form the International Office is missing is one that the DEPARTMENT had to fill out. Not me. They just forgot to pass it in, that's all. So 3 months later, I think my visa application documents *might* actually be complete (for the third time). Fingers crossed! Now lets just hope they are processed REALLY quickly...

The medical insurance stuff wasn't as hard to figure out as I thought... because I'm an international student, I'm automatically signed up for medical insurance through Duke, and I can't opt-out. Which means I guess I don't have to keep my existing international medical insurance (which Dad set up for me when I moved to Boston last year). But I *may* have to look for a different drug plan... I'll have to read through all the information again when my head's a little clearer.

I did manage to do 2.5 quizzes for microeconomics.... but halfway through the third the website went down, and I can't access it right now (which is why I took a break to blog). So I guess for the moment that's out of my control, but that's ok because it's giving my brain a break.

And while I'm still really disappointed that I can't get the pets I want, I've decided I'm going to dig out my old gumball-machine fish tank that I had in second year university and get some goldfish again while I'm down there (since the ones I have here probably won't make the drive down to Durham). And while goldfish aren't the most affectionate of pets, they're still pretty entertaining. Especially when they're swimming in a gumball machine. So they'll do for now, I guess!

So, although I'm still pretty stressed out with everything I have to do, It's seeming a little more manageable today. Here's hoping it stays that way!

Aaaaaannnnnndddddddd...... End Rant.

Carolina on my mind...

2008-06-30T23:16:00.002-04:00

Hello all! With June quickly drawing to a close (in fact, it officially closed as I was writing this post...) my brain is turning less and less to the thought of "oh my god, WHAT am I going to do this summer??" and more and more to "oh my god, I leave for Durham way too soon..." So here I am, floundering in a pool of endless, somewhat random thoughts about how I'm not so prepared, how I have a million little things I need to do before leaving, how I have a million not-so-little things I have to do before leaving, how I'm going to miss so much while I'm gone.... and how I absolutely cannot wait for this new adventure.

I decided to start a blog since, as those of you who know me can attest, I'm absolutely terrible at keeping in touch with people. I'm not one of those people who will sit down and hand-write letters to my friends and family, or my penpal in England (although I'm pretty sure I had one of those at some point.... sorry, whoever you are!). I don't write long, involved e-mails to people unless I'm trying to make a good impression, or secure an interview. I HATE calling people (which is not a good quality in a journalist), many of my friends aren't on msn, and texting only allows a limited number of words (and costs far too much if I go over my limit). I will send the occasional post card, but only if it's funny or random. My e-mails are generally only a line or two, unless I feel that it's been far too long since I told you what was going on in my life and I feel like I owe you an explanation. Have I made my point? Get it? Got it? Good. So, as I was saying, I decided to start a blog as a way to keep people updated on what's going on with me, since I'll be living over 1,300 km (or about 820 miles) away, and from past experience I know people don't like to spend millions in long-distance bills to hear first-hand the stories of my life. And, let's face it, Facebook is fun, but it just doesn't cut it. My hope is that I'll be better at blogging than I am at all the other methods of communication, since I've had many MANY people tell me I have to keep them up to date on my "interesting" lifestyle. The updates may be pretty irregular (especially since I don't know my class schedule or anything yet, so I can't even predict when/if I'll have time for regular updates), but feel free to yell at me via comments or e-mail if you think I'm slacking off.

Ok, enough of the disclaimer.... on to the real post.

As many of you probably know, this hasn't been the easiest winter/spring/summer. In fact, it's been pretty damn hard... The last few weeks being the hardest of them all. But I'll get to that later. I moved back from Boston at Christmas, back into my old highschool bedroom in my parents' house in Almonte. Which was an adjustment in itself, seeing as I hadn't really lived there in about 3 years and had gotten used to my independence and my queen-sized bed. (Sidenote: twin beds are not as big as they used to seem...) Right from the moment I got home, I started worrying about grad schools and scholarships and grants and writing the GREs... and finding a job that actually paid something. Well, I guess technically that's not when I started worrying about these things... I had been studying for the GREs for a couple of months, had already applied to and been rejected by NSERC for grant money (which I'm still FURIOUS about.... damn Animal Biology for putting my grades 0.1% below the cutoff, and screw you Carleton for not bothering to even look at my incredible/incredibly time-consuming application because of it! No, I'm not bitter. I swear.), had contacted probably hundreds of potential masters advisors (very VERY few of whom actually had the decency to reply), and had realized that I probably wouldn't get into any Canadian schools (once again, because of NSERC... *shakes fist*). Yes, that was all very frustrating, but at that point I was still working with whales in New England, which made it all seem unimportant. Anyways, quick run-down of my January: studied my ass off and wrote the GREs (and did pretty decent on them, too!), put in all my applications for schools in the states and Canada (each one requiring its own "personal essay", which couldn't just be copied and pasted because they all asked for different things and different formats), and frantically searched for any jobs in the Ottawa/Kingston/Pembroke areas (places where I knew I could find at least a couch to crash on). The job search extended into February.... and March.... and April.... and May... and June... do you see where I'm going with this? Ya, it was pretty much fruitless. I DID get a few job interviews for community newspapers, as well as for a couple of research positions and a job working for an environmental hotline, but all potential employers wanted somebody with "more experience". So, in the meantime, I started doing online courses to try and make up some of the possible pre-requisites I was missing, covering algebra, calculus and microeconomics (all required for different schools... I was covering all my bases). So, somehow the months between February and May flew by. In this time, I got rejected from almost every grad program I applied to, got put on a waiting list for my first-choice program (one based out of Northeastern University in Boston that would have me traveling the world and walking out of what could have been the best 2 years of my life with a job), and got my one-and-only acceptance to the Masters of Coastal Environmental Management program at Duke University (my second-last choice, if I'm being honest). Yeah, it was all pretty disappointing. Especially since I had been saying all along that I wanted to go to either Dalhousie or UNB. Apparently they just couldn't afford me. Anyways, I was more than a little disappointed in all of this, as I was saying. That is, until I went down to Duke for the students visitation weekend. The campus is BEAUTIFUL, the people are friendly, the program is apparently recognized world-wide, and I felt a little better about it all. Even though it wasn't my first choice school, Duke wasn't looking so bad.

Fast forward to June, when I'm finally accepting that come August I'll be back in the States, back in school, and trying to settle in to a new life (once again). I found a townhouse that I'll be sharing with a civil engineer named Victoria who's going into the same program as me, and it sounds BEAUTIFUL. It was built in 2003, her parents own it and just redecorated, it's fully furnished (even my bedroom, so I don't have to buy ANYTHING!), we have all new appliances, a washer/dryer, a dishwasher (luxury!), and we each get our own bathroom (double-luxury!!). So I'm set with housing... next step is the student visa (which I've already run into problems with. Let's hope I get it on time, otherwise they won't let me in the country), figuring out classes, figuring out exactly WHEN I'll be leaving (for an International student, orientation starts on August 13th. Yes, I'm an International student. Weird), and trying to get everything done that needs to get done before I leave (including courses, all sorts of appointments, visiting with friends and family, etc etc etc).

Truthfully, I thought I'd be a lot more nervous about all of these changes. I used to be the typed of girl who detested change, and would take forever to adjust if anything was significantly different. Point in fact: last year before moving to Boston, I was a complete wreck. Ask anyone. I was freaking out. But I got there, realized it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, and had the time of my life. Now I just can't wait to start new again, in a place where I can be somebody new and different, while being more myself than I've ever been before. Or maybe simply find myself again, get to know the person I'm becoming. So yeah, I'm excited. And it doesn't hurt that although I'm moving to a state I've only ever visited for 3 days this past spring, I already have friends there. As it turns out, a few of the friends I made in Boston are also at Duke, and I cannot wait to see them again! Plus the Great Roommate Search 2008 yielded a few coffee/beer dates, that I'm fully planning on cashing in on. Hey, maybe the new me will be a social butterfly... stranger things have happened!

So as June turns into July (as it is as I'm posting this) I'm frantically trying to finish my calculus and microeconomics courses, trying to start getting myself prepared for the Big Move, trying to figure out how/if I can make it home at Canadian Thanksgiving to meet my new nephew (who's due in September... a month after I leave :( ), and trying to deal with the very recent and brief illness and loss of my Nana. (Like I said, not the easiest of summers). But whenever things seem like too much I take a few minutes to daydream about what my life will be like in a month and a half, and maybe even entertain the idea of getting my very own kitten (right now I have my heart set on a little orange one, to be named Riley... here's hoping my roomie's not allergic to cats!). While it may seem like I've become a bit of an anti-social hermit (or even "lame", as a couple people have pointed out to me), I'm just trying to get everything done on time. But I'm ALWAYS looking for a distraction, so if any of you fine people are in/around Ottawa and want to fit in some hangout time before I leave, drop me a line! All old and new friends welcome :) And for those of you I may not see before I head off into the wild blue yonder, I hope you all keep in touch, and I hope you're a lot better at it than I am! I'll answer all e-mails/phone-calls/texts/whatever... it just may take me awhile to initiate them.

And on that note, I'm going to end this novel.... let the adventure begin!